Often times, we tend to blame others for what’s going on in our lives. Just the other day, I found myself blaming someone for what I was feeling. Yes, I was did just that. None of us are immune to forgetting who we are. And Lord knows, I did forget.
I was feeling so betrayed and so hurt…all in my feelings. The person for whom this was directed had no clue. She was confused and didn’t understand what was happening. We met and had a long conversation about why I was so upset with her. I gave very real, logical reasons for why I felt I was justified in feeling the way I did. But how many of you know that’s how our subconscious works? We feel very justified in our erroneous beliefs and thinking.
As we discussed all of this meaningless stuff that I was bringing up, my long time friend of thirty years apologized. I apologized, then we ate some food and laughed.
But when I arrived back home, I still was not feeling any real relief. After much rest, reflection, meditation and prayer, I recognized what was really happening here. I was able to get to the heart of the matter. To the truth. I will always tell you the truth, even when it does not hold me in the greatest light. As a spiritual thought leader and global life strategist, I have come to understand the importance of always telling the truth and getting to the heart, the core of the matter.
The truth is, we must be willing to take full responsibility for our healing and our lives. Each of us is the cause of whatever we think, feel and do. We cannot heal if we give away our power by believing that other people and circumstances have control over our lives or that they are the reason for our feelings and thoughts.
We must completely abandon any tendency to make excuses, to blame and to play the victim. On that day, I was all in my feelings and victimhood. Something that I just KNEW I’d conquered years ago. But personal growth and expansion has no expiration date. We are always a work in progress and will forever need to continue to shift. This is an important thing to be mindful of.
I knew that none of this was about my friend, or what was happening with us. This was about me.
Recently, I have been working on a new level of my work, my calling, my vision. Stepping into a newness, bigger than anything I’ve ever done before. And I have done some really big things in my career such as working with A-List Celebrities, Hollywood Executives and producing events in Hollywood and NYC that others only dream about. I’ve done some really powerful things, like bringing together individuals and companies that resulted in a mult-millon dollar projects. But what I am embarking upon is so much more bigger, deeper and meaningful to the planet.
Somewhere deep within, I’ve been fearful. Not on a surface level, but on an unconscious level. My coaches, mentors and I have even discussed these fears. And I just knew I was okay. But then on an unconscious level, I created this situation with my friend. It was meant to distract, sabotage and serve as a barrier between me and my vision. If I could give energy to this situation, I couldn’t give energy to the new path I’m on. I had created a situation that matched my deepest fears. Of course, I felt it was something real that was being done to me by my friend. Because, when we are in this space, we are confident that we are NOT wrong. That’s how it normally works.
But the truth is, if we have a problem outside, we must go inside to address it. If you don’t like what’s happening now, then be accountable for choosing differently and for changing your perspectives, your awareness and your life. This is exactly what I did. I went inside, became accountable, atoned for my error, apologized and changed my perspective, my awareness and consequently, my life.
Things are well between my friend and I. But this was a great lesson for me. Fear is a gripping and sneaky thing. We must be aware of how it shows up. It may not show up with your teeth shattering and your body trembling. It just may show up as in a situation that triggers all kinds of emotional stuff for you and others that has absolutely nothing to do with what’s really going on. A sneak attack.
I often take risks by sharing parts of myself that are not so pretty. But I’ve come to know that all of me is not always flawless. Yet, it’s what makes me colorful and even dynamic. I promise to always tell you the truth. But more importantly, I will always tell the truth to myself about myself. When I share my many flaws, it keeps me grounded and helps hold me accountable to change and to my beliefs and my teachings.
So, the next time you find yourself blaming and in victim mode, remember, it could be a distraction trying to sabotage your next level. Go in deeper, be accountable, recognized what’s happening and shift quickly. Your life depends on it.
I’m Angela Carr Patterson, Your Global Life Strategist and I’m here for YOU.
Let me hear your thoughts below.
My friend Ernestine Middleton loves to repeat this quote, “The only thing that is constant is change.” Change is one of those things that we as women do our best to avoid. Women need to know the details. We need to know that we can handle and control everything that’s coming our way. It’s all about feeling secure for us.
Yet, embracing change is vital to our growth, expansion and success in life. In order for you to blossom and rise to your full level of potential and possibility, you will surely have to embrace lots of change. Beginning with yourself.
Each time, I’ve ever made the transition onto a new and higher level in my personal and professional life, it was met with much change. It was when I resisted the change, that my life would become filled with suffering and struggle.
The #1 reason women resist change is their lack of Trust. My resistance, just like most women, came from a lack of trust. Unfortunately, most women don’t trust themselves enough. When they think about doing something new, it creates all sorts of thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and lack. Add to that, the fact that most don’t trust others and they don’t trust that there is a greater story unfolding for their life.
But this is something that must change. Because trusting yourself is essential to your success. And women who have a high ability to trust themselves and others are the ones who get to live their big dreams.
The reason why you might not trust yourself is because you’ve had negative, painful, or challenging past experiences that led you to believe that you can’t trust. Maybe you took a risk and it didn’t pay off. Maybe you trusted someone who did you wrong. Or maybe you were simply told that you couldn’t trust, because people make bad decisions and the world is a scary place.
The truth is, we’ve all had these experiences that make us feel like we can’t trust. So if you feel that way, don’t worry… you’re not alone.
But the key is to embrace this lack of trust because it’s hurting you and blocking your ability to achieve more in your life. When you don’t trust yourself or others, you can bet that people don’t trust you either. And that’s a problem, because if people don’t trust you, they won’t do business with you, be in relationship with you, or simply embrace you.
Instead of giving you a 3 step formula to trusting yourself, I would prefer to offer you some questions to consider. Take a moment to consider your feelings on trust. Do you make decisions on a daily basis that reflect your trust in yourself? Do you take risks and try new things? What about your trust with others? When they talk, do you listen from the standpoint of trying to prove them wrong or fight against them?
What about your trust in something greater like God? Can you see that there is a bigger story unfolding for your life? Are you able to let go of control and trust that things will work out just fine? Or do you feel like everything is resting 100% on your shoulders and you have to push and fight your way to success?
As you contemplate these questions, don’t judge the answers you get. Simply become aware of what’s true for you today. You can’t change anything until you are aware of what’s been going on. And with this new awareness, you can begin to make new choices for your life.
Angela Carr Patterson
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below.
There comes a time in every woman’s life when she must have her defining moment. That moment when she is ready to radically transform her life.
Last week was a wonderful week for me! My husband and I spent a week in Hilton Head, SC, relaxing and getting caught up on some much needed rest. Then we headed to Charleston, SC for the weekend, where I facilitated a Fatherless Daughter workshop for the Charleston Black Expo.
During the Expo I met some incredible women who were ready to heal their daddy wounds and others who didn’t realize their father-daughter relationship was having an impact upon their lives until they heard what I shared. It’s amazing how the right information can create awareness and breakthroughs in your life. I’ve always known that working with women who grew up with an unattached, unavailable or absent father was important work. But since filming my documentary and doing this Expo tour, I am more convinced than ever, this work must be done.
What is that you feel in your heart you should be doing to help ease and eradicate the pain of others? What’s your life’s mission? What’s your life’s work? My mission is the increase love on the planet, one heart at a time and help women rewrite their stories. I simply choose to do it through my speaking, writing, coaching and my other media outlets.
We each bring unique gifts and interests to this lifetime. The more you know what yours are, the better you will serve others. The more you tap into your innate passions, the more you will naturally attract wealth. And living your passion in service to others = success.
The key point here is to get really specific in defining your interests. When we’re first inspired to support others, we often have a very vague sense of how we might do that. We don’t know the details – we just know we want to empower others. We are so close to our own gifts that we have trouble identifying them. I can help you work through these blocks.
There are an infinite number of specific areas in which we might offer support. Consider these for a start: addictions, careers, parenting, chronic pain, depression, creativity, leadership, story writing, relationships, life purpose, money, journal writing, retirement, empowerment – The list is as rich as your imagination. I have a list of over 100 popular personal growth niches.
What focus really gets your energy flowing? When you answer, be as specific as you possibly can.
Our challenge lies in uncovering the details from within. Most of us need to engage in a self-discovery process to identify or clarify our particular passion. And once we identify our focus, we can then define our unique market niche.
To start, here are a few questions for you to reflect on. Write your answers in your journal.
Look over your answers and see if your unique niche jumps out at you. Share you answers below with us in the comment box.
Remember to live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle.
Angela Carr Patterson, Your Love Lifestyle Coach