We all have had some pretty horrible break ups in our lives. Whether it was a marriage that ended, a friendship or business partnership, these kind of breakups can throw us into a tail spin of questions, confusion, pain and even regret. We begin questioning ourselves about what happened, why did it happen and who’s fault was it? We talk about with anyone who will listen. We feel compelled to talk about it over and over again.
What we are really trying to do is make some sense of what happened. We’re also trying to talk ourselves into it not being our fault. Subconsciously, we believe that if it’s not our fault that somehow we will feel better about what happened. Actually, we feel worse. And we find ourselves stuck and unable to truly move forward.
Does that sound about right? Have you been down this road before? Of course you have and guess what? There’s no guarantee that you won’t go down that road again. Let’s face it! Life happens and it’s not always pretty. We’ve all taken some hard blows in this life. We’ve all felt at one time or another that the bottom just fell out. You maybe there right now. When this happens, we feel like we simply cannot move. The pain is so intense that we are not sure if we will ever breathe again.
I’ve been there, you’ve been there and we’ve witnessed people that we love in that space as well. Then someone comes along and says to us, “You gotta let it go.” Don’t you just want to punch them in the face! I remember thinking, “Let it go! Are you crazy? Do you know what they did to me?” Ah ha, I have to laugh at this because I would be serious and angry at the same time. I used to think that was the most ridiculous thing anyone could say to a hurting person.
Yet, I’ve discovered that it was the most loving thing that I could do for myself. You see, when you continue to talk about the situation over and over again, you continue to recreate the original offense, hurt and pain over and over again. When you live in that space of intense pain, confusion and regret, you create bigger issues for yourself.
I want to share with you three things you can do to start the process of Letting Go:
- Stop Talking About It to Everyone: You body hears and takes in everything. The negative energy that accompanies the words/feelings/thoughts you continue to exchange with others about the situation goes right into your body. You may not see the results of this right away. But perhaps months or even years, your body begins to respond to the negative energy you heaped upon it and it shows up in diseases or come kind of illness. “Angela, are you saying that I am creating illnesses in my body just because I am talking about it?” Yes, I am. There are tons of research and scientific studies that prove negative thinking, feelings can create chronic illnesses in the body. If you need to talk things out to get some clarity, then hire a professional therapist. At least they will help you find a healthier way to talk about it and give you the proper tools on releasing and letting go.
- Choose to Forgive: I know it’s sometimes easier to say than to do. Only until you recognize that forgiveness is more about you than about the other person. When you don’t forgive, you remain stuck in the space of the offense. You become the person who cannot recreate a new narrative for your life because you are stuck. And even if you do try to move forward, nothing will happen because un-forgiveness serves as a block or barrier to your success. It will prevent anything from happening. When I learned this truth, I was willing to forgive everybody for everything. I could not imagine allowing something that someone did to me control my destiny. You take back your life and your control when you forgive. You choose YOU when you forgive.
- Set a Move On Date: Look at your calendar and set a date for when you are going to “Move On.” Mark that date on your calendar and it’s the day that you will take some kind of action step that indicates you are moving on. You may not feel like moving on but do it anyway. Remember, you cannot trust your feelings because they are connected to your erroneous belief system. Let’s say, you had a break up with a business partner and it’s left you in financial debt and broke. Set a date for when you are going to move forward. On that date, schedule to sit down and talk to a financial counselor who can help you find ways to lower your debt, give advice and move you in the right direction. There are tons of free services out there that will even call the creditors and negotiate lower balances and interest rates on your behalf. Also, launch a new online business that can create some easy and quick revenue. You can learn how to do this by watching some Youtube videos. These may seem like small steps, but doing enough of these small steps consistently can literally change your life. Whatever you do, set a move on date and take corresponding actions.
Remember, like is too short to hold onto to things that no longer serve you. The most loving thing that you can do for your life and yourself is to let go. When you resist the flow of life, you create more struggle. But when you surrender to the flow and to the principles that govern the universe, you create a space of infinite possibilities for your life. Choose you and live.
What are you willing to let go of today? Let us hear from you. Share in the comments below. Also share this on your Facebook page.
My friend Ernestine Middleton loves to repeat this quote, “The only thing that is constant is change.” Change is one of those things that we as women do our best to avoid. Women need to know the details. We need to know that we can handle and control everything that’s coming our way. It’s all about feeling secure for us.
Yet, embracing change is vital to our growth, expansion and success in life. In order for you to blossom and rise to your full level of potential and possibility, you will surely have to embrace lots of change. Beginning with yourself.
Each time, I’ve ever made the transition onto a new and higher level in my personal and professional life, it was met with much change. It was when I resisted the change, that my life would become filled with suffering and struggle.
The #1 reason women resist change is their lack of Trust. My resistance, just like most women, came from a lack of trust. Unfortunately, most women don’t trust themselves enough. When they think about doing something new, it creates all sorts of thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and lack. Add to that, the fact that most don’t trust others and they don’t trust that there is a greater story unfolding for their life.
But this is something that must change. Because trusting yourself is essential to your success. And women who have a high ability to trust themselves and others are the ones who get to live their big dreams.
The reason why you might not trust yourself is because you’ve had negative, painful, or challenging past experiences that led you to believe that you can’t trust. Maybe you took a risk and it didn’t pay off. Maybe you trusted someone who did you wrong. Or maybe you were simply told that you couldn’t trust, because people make bad decisions and the world is a scary place.
The truth is, we’ve all had these experiences that make us feel like we can’t trust. So if you feel that way, don’t worry… you’re not alone.
But the key is to embrace this lack of trust because it’s hurting you and blocking your ability to achieve more in your life. When you don’t trust yourself or others, you can bet that people don’t trust you either. And that’s a problem, because if people don’t trust you, they won’t do business with you, be in relationship with you, or simply embrace you.
Instead of giving you a 3 step formula to trusting yourself, I would prefer to offer you some questions to consider. Take a moment to consider your feelings on trust. Do you make decisions on a daily basis that reflect your trust in yourself? Do you take risks and try new things? What about your trust with others? When they talk, do you listen from the standpoint of trying to prove them wrong or fight against them?
What about your trust in something greater like God? Can you see that there is a bigger story unfolding for your life? Are you able to let go of control and trust that things will work out just fine? Or do you feel like everything is resting 100% on your shoulders and you have to push and fight your way to success?
As you contemplate these questions, don’t judge the answers you get. Simply become aware of what’s true for you today. You can’t change anything until you are aware of what’s been going on. And with this new awareness, you can begin to make new choices for your life.
Angela Carr Patterson
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Many people are searching for shortcuts to success. They believe the hype by all of the gurus that tell them if they do their 3 step magic formula that success will happen. I want to share with you why there are no short cuts to success.
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I remember a few years ago, I was at a women’s business conference hosted my one of my coaches. When she introduced me, she said “Angela has a SOFT Niche.” What she was basically saying is that I didnt’ talk a lot about making money, getting clients, marketing or all of the stuff that your inbox gets saturated with.
I was merely teaching women how to actualize the power of self love to create success in their lives. I was doing this when “selling self love” was not popular. Fast forward to now, everyone is talking about self love, universal love, inspiration, expansion and all the “woo woo” stuff I was accused of teaching. It’s popular because collectively, we’ve come to realize that nothing permanent can happen outside of ourselves until it happens within us. And that love is the answer to every single question in life.
Everywhere you look business coaches are now starting to realize that this “woo woo” stuff works…that spirituality and love are the keys to unlocking real success in your life and business. I had a coach tell me that what I was offering wasn’t tangible enough. That if I didn’t change it, I would fail. She was obviously the wrong coach for me and she was wrong period. I have literally share with thousands the principles of The Love Lifestyle Coaching System and many of them have had incredible success stories.
That’s why you need a coach who has her finger on the pulse of what’s happening long before the masses get it. Because by the time the masses gets hold to it, you will be left behind. You want to pioneer a movement, not come in on the tail in. You need a leader who has insight and understand the times in which we now live. It’s time to stop jumping on the band wagon of the next new fad or following the masses because you will get left behind.
When we find ourselves at a crossroad or in a crisis, to move forward, the challenge is the let go of an outmoded attitude, or idea or perception. Individually or collectively, a shift has to take place, a tipping point is reached, then the phenomenon of “There’s nothing so powerful as an idea whose time has come, kicks in.
The time has come for LOVE to kick in. The time has come to know that everything is spiritual. Even money! I knew it years ago when others said that I would fail if I kept trying to coach women on love…that I needed to coach them on making money. But how could you teach money without love? The two are tied together, because how we do love is how we do money! Ha ha, the masses finally got what we always knew! I love it!
Remember, live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle. Because success in life really does begin with love!
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“Mastery does not come from dabbling. We have to be prepared to pay the price. We need to have the sustained enthusiasm that motivates us to give our best.” — Eknath Easwaran
We all want to be successful, but are we all willing to take the necessary steps to make it happen in our lives? Many of us aren’t yet willing to make that commitment. This doesn’t mean that we are lazy or worthless, it simply means we are not inspired.
Life can sometimes show up in ways that pulls us down and leave us tired, worn and frustrated. But it’s during those times that you need the help of a trusted friend, a mentor, a supporting cast to inspire you and breathe life into your worn out soul.
I believe that we all arrive at moments in our lives when we feel like we simply cannot go any further. I know for sure that I’ve been there countless of times. But it’s during these times a trusted friend or one of my mentors/coaches will call or show up out of no where to offer words of inspiration and encouragement. Often times without me even asking.
That’s when I know that the Universe is set up for you and I to win. The entire Universe is cheering us on and creating huge openings for us to step through, even when it appears that all doors have been closed.
We simply need to take the steps in the direction of our dreams. When we don’t see these openings, it’s important that we pay attention to the little angels that come our way to point us in the right directions. These angels could be a blog, a social media post, a newsletter, a text message, a gentle smile or a soft tap in the shoulder. Whatever it is, be sure to pay attention. Pay attention to the smallest gestures that’s trying to communicate the answers to life’s most pressing questions.
All of these things collectively are happening around us to inspire us to stay the course, to remain committed to our dreams and to never give up.
I want to share with you 3 things that will help you remain motivated, inspired and committed to your dreams:
Create an environment of inspiration. My home office is not only a work space for me, but it also a sanctuary of inspiration and empowerment. I have all sorts of little reminders, trinkets, candles, and items to remind me of who I am and why I am on this path. Books, photos…things of beauty that reflect the deeper parts of my heart. So when I am tempted to get into overwhelm, I simply look up and see the beauty all around me and the inspiration to keep going. Remember, when fish are sick, you don’t treat the fish, you treat the water. Your environment is important.
Have your supporting cast on speed dial. There are some people who are meant to be in your life. You and these people know it. Make a commitment or vow to be there for each other. Create a vow that you will not play into each other’s victimization and that you will not allow each other to play small. Hold each other’s hand, stand for each other…even when one cannot stand herself. It’s call sacred sisterhood. Can’t find anyone like this in your circle? Then I recommend that you become a member of the Love Story Women Circle. That circle is filled with hundreds of women who are willing to do this with you. Everyone needs a supporting cast.
Reach out and help someone. Often times when we are being challenged with something in our lives, it’s during those times that we should find ways to contribute into the life of someone else. It creates a state of being of love and generousity within us the lifts our vibration and creates miracles in our lives. Taking our eyes off our own issues and helping someone else solve theirs, creates in us an attitude of gratitude, care and heart towards those we are assisting. Try this and I promise it will work wonders and miracles will begin to show up in your life.
Of course, it can be challenging when trying to pursue success in life. But the way to success is just as important as the destination itself. On this journey there are many lessons, opportunities and gifts that we often times miss because we are so focused on our goals. Take time to be still so that you don’t miss the small, gentle whispers of the Universe trying to speak, connect and commune with you. That’s what the real journey is all about.
Stay the course, remain committed to your goals and create a constant environment of inspiration and love. Because success in life really does begin with Love.