We all have had some pretty horrible break ups in our lives. Whether it was a marriage that ended, a friendship or business partnership, these kind of breakups can throw us into a tail spin of questions, confusion, pain and even regret. We begin questioning ourselves about what happened, why did it happen and who’s fault was it? We talk about with anyone who will listen. We feel compelled to talk about it over and over again.
What we are really trying to do is make some sense of what happened. We’re also trying to talk ourselves into it not being our fault. Subconsciously, we believe that if it’s not our fault that somehow we will feel better about what happened. Actually, we feel worse. And we find ourselves stuck and unable to truly move forward.
Does that sound about right? Have you been down this road before? Of course you have and guess what? There’s no guarantee that you won’t go down that road again. Let’s face it! Life happens and it’s not always pretty. We’ve all taken some hard blows in this life. We’ve all felt at one time or another that the bottom just fell out. You maybe there right now. When this happens, we feel like we simply cannot move. The pain is so intense that we are not sure if we will ever breathe again.
I’ve been there, you’ve been there and we’ve witnessed people that we love in that space as well. Then someone comes along and says to us, “You gotta let it go.” Don’t you just want to punch them in the face! I remember thinking, “Let it go! Are you crazy? Do you know what they did to me?” Ah ha, I have to laugh at this because I would be serious and angry at the same time. I used to think that was the most ridiculous thing anyone could say to a hurting person.
Yet, I’ve discovered that it was the most loving thing that I could do for myself. You see, when you continue to talk about the situation over and over again, you continue to recreate the original offense, hurt and pain over and over again. When you live in that space of intense pain, confusion and regret, you create bigger issues for yourself.
I want to share with you three things you can do to start the process of Letting Go:
- Stop Talking About It to Everyone: You body hears and takes in everything. The negative energy that accompanies the words/feelings/thoughts you continue to exchange with others about the situation goes right into your body. You may not see the results of this right away. But perhaps months or even years, your body begins to respond to the negative energy you heaped upon it and it shows up in diseases or come kind of illness. “Angela, are you saying that I am creating illnesses in my body just because I am talking about it?” Yes, I am. There are tons of research and scientific studies that prove negative thinking, feelings can create chronic illnesses in the body. If you need to talk things out to get some clarity, then hire a professional therapist. At least they will help you find a healthier way to talk about it and give you the proper tools on releasing and letting go.
- Choose to Forgive: I know it’s sometimes easier to say than to do. Only until you recognize that forgiveness is more about you than about the other person. When you don’t forgive, you remain stuck in the space of the offense. You become the person who cannot recreate a new narrative for your life because you are stuck. And even if you do try to move forward, nothing will happen because un-forgiveness serves as a block or barrier to your success. It will prevent anything from happening. When I learned this truth, I was willing to forgive everybody for everything. I could not imagine allowing something that someone did to me control my destiny. You take back your life and your control when you forgive. You choose YOU when you forgive.
- Set a Move On Date: Look at your calendar and set a date for when you are going to “Move On.” Mark that date on your calendar and it’s the day that you will take some kind of action step that indicates you are moving on. You may not feel like moving on but do it anyway. Remember, you cannot trust your feelings because they are connected to your erroneous belief system. Let’s say, you had a break up with a business partner and it’s left you in financial debt and broke. Set a date for when you are going to move forward. On that date, schedule to sit down and talk to a financial counselor who can help you find ways to lower your debt, give advice and move you in the right direction. There are tons of free services out there that will even call the creditors and negotiate lower balances and interest rates on your behalf. Also, launch a new online business that can create some easy and quick revenue. You can learn how to do this by watching some Youtube videos. These may seem like small steps, but doing enough of these small steps consistently can literally change your life. Whatever you do, set a move on date and take corresponding actions.
Remember, like is too short to hold onto to things that no longer serve you. The most loving thing that you can do for your life and yourself is to let go. When you resist the flow of life, you create more struggle. But when you surrender to the flow and to the principles that govern the universe, you create a space of infinite possibilities for your life. Choose you and live.
What are you willing to let go of today? Let us hear from you. Share in the comments below. Also share this on your Facebook page.
I’ve been an entrepreneur for 33 years now and I can tell you that I would have it no other way. I love building dreams and birthing visions. I also love helping women do the same and this is exactly what get to do every day. Yet recently, I’ve been noticing a common issue among women. They seem to be sadden. Don’t get me wrong, many are excited about how their dreams are being fulfilled. I see lots of women’s groups on social media chanting their theme of “Boss Lady.” I see them posting all of the great things that are happening and the success they are experiencing in their companies. I love watching women celebrate their wins. I celebrate with them.
Yet, what I don’t see is a lot of women sharing their happiness outside of their businesses, careers and their kids. We are notorious for bragging about our kids, our career successes and even our weight losses. I love seeing this happen. But the one area that you see very little from successful women is their love life. Now, I recognize that some women tend to feel that part of their lives need not be shared. I get it. But when I talk to women and the issue arises, I have encountered the some common pains. That is…many successful women are not truly happy in their love life. I didn’t say all of them…but if they were truthful, a lot of them feel that something is missing in their love life.
How can we become so successful in other areas of our lives and yet, when it comes to creating intimate, harmonious, healthy, mutually satisfying relationships, we are failing big time?
The answer? We have somehow forgotten that part of ourselves. We have disowned that part of who we are, because we remember the pain she’s experienced every time she opens her heart. So we hide and shield her. How do we hide her? We hide through our success, our work and taking care of everyone else. And somehow, we think this is enough for us.
The truth is, it isn’t. Women thrive when they live from their hearts. Love is a natural state for us. And when we are in love and being loved in returned the correct way, we blossom. Remember, when people use to tell you that you were glowing? They could tell that you had fallen in love. Yet, that love turned on you. That love hurt you and because of this, you’ve not allowed yourself to love deeply any longer. You’d rather play it safe and not risk being hurt again by anyone…including your husband.
So you busy yourself being his wife…his partner…but surely not his woman. Whether you are married, divorced, single, widowed or in a “It’s complicated” relationship…you deserve to be loved and cherished as a woman. It’s fuel to our soul. We’re built for love. Yet, we haven’t learned how to master this area of our lives. So we become driven by success because at least we can feel some sort of self worth and value from what we do. Because we are not really sure that we can be loved for WHO we are.
But isn’t it time for us to reclaim that part of ourselves that we’ve some how left on the table? It’s time to take back that disowned part of ourselves that we’ve not told to truth to. It’s time to heal that part of us that we’ve tried to shield from more pain. You’ve heard me say that this is the year to be Remarkable. I truly believe that when women are happy, loved and successful that we can and we will be apart of the radical change in the world. We women are fearless when we are living love in all areas of our lives..including intimate relationships.
Are you finally ready to recapture that part of yourself that wants and desires love? You can have it. Not only is it possible, it’s inevitable. I want to invite you to join my Insider’s Circle where I will be teaching women leaders and entrepreneurs on the keys to life mastery. Not only will we learn the strategies to make life work in areas of business, success and health…we will do some deep dives into relationship building…making love work. This program is about speaking to the soul of a woman. That includes your love life.
For only $37 a month, you will begin to see your life transform in ways you’ve never imagined. Take a look and join today. Our monthly call is tonight and we would love for you to be apart of this wonderful group of women. This is not just any woman’s group…this is a experience that speaks to the primal part of your soul as a woman. Join now: www.globalawakenedwoman.com
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I remember when I was going through my divorce, my ex-husband told me that I would never find anyone who would want to marry me with 3 kids. Even though he got married 2 months after our divorce was final, he assumed that I would have a difficult time. What he didn’t know was I was so relieved to be done with him that another husband was the last thing on my mind. As the years passed by, I did date a little, but I was busy focusing on my children and their well-being. I met some amazing men and had a blast dating…Lord did I have some fun! Oops…okay Angela, stay focused. There were some who wanted to marry. But, it simply was not time. I remember, my mentor saying to me, “honey, it’s not time…you will know.” I do remember, Valentine’s Day being especially difficult. There were always roses sent to my office and often times a few dozens from admirers. Yet, there was no one who was special in my life.
I remember feeling a sense of sadness, even loneliness. These are two emotions that a lot of women find difficult to admit. I’ve never felt such loneliness before…it literally gripped something on the inside of me. I remember saying to a girlfriend of mine, ‘I’m not leaving my house tonight (Valentine’s Day) because if I see another couple all hugged up in love, I’m going to break down and cry. We both laughed. I stayed home and called some of my single friends, men and women, and we all got together, ordered some food and laughed our lonely hearts away. As I began to mature and started my journey of discovering my truth, those feelings of sadness and loneliness began to drift away. I am not saying that I no longer had bouts of these feelings…they simply didn’t control my life. I had found some joy and happiness because I was awakening to my truth. My truth of who I was and what was possible for my life. Vision and purpose can create a sense of joy and hope deep within that cannot be explained. I had found my sweet spot…the intersection between who I was and what I was here to do. I also tapped into my G-Spot. Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking about my “Greatness, My Gifts and My Genius.” This journey was so beautiful. It was my journey to being. God was teaching me about His love. I had learned to love all of those disowned parts of myself that I had left on the table. I was evolving.
So when my friend Peggy asked to introduce Bill to me, I said no. I simply was living my life like it was golden and there was no room for a man. You see I had began hiding behind my church activities and doing what the mothers of the church told me…wait on God. Until one day, my mother with all of her wisdom and wit said to me, “You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be loved and cherished. Those children are getting older and you only have a few more young years….before age sits in.” My mom doesn’t mix words. So after 8 months of Peggy asking to introduce me to Bill, she slipped him my business card. He called and the rest is history. We met in February and was married in December of the same year. We’ve now been a blended family for 14 years. He is my soul mate and the love of my life. I’ve enjoyed this journey with my guy.
So here’s my point to those of you who feel as if no one understands. Trust me, I do. I know how it feels to not fit in at church, at events when you are the only one without someone on your arms. I know how it feels to be tired of engaging with the kids and family, when you simply want some adult time. Someone to gaze into your eyes and tell you stuff, even if it’s not true. You simply want to feel special for one day…or night. I get it. I also know how it feels when your friends turn their backs on you because they fear you being around their man. They don’t include you any more. I get it. I know how it feels to listen to the music and cry until you have no more tears wondering if anyone could love you the way you need to be loved. I feel you my dear sisters. I know how it feels to not look forward to the holidays…they can be the hardest. Because I’ve always worked for myself, I at least didn’t have to see everyone getting flowers delivered to their desks. I sometimes believe some sent them to themselves…LOL. Let me stop.
So here’s what I want you to know. Delay doesn’t mean denial. If you want a loving, lasting, mutually satisfying and harmonious relationship, it’s possible and it’s possible for YOU. You are love, loved and lovable. God made you this way and it does not matter what anyone says…this truth can’t be changed. I want you to take yourself to dinner, light your own candles and buy your own flowers/candy. Love yourself in the deepest parts of your being. So if you don’t have a Valentine’s this year…it’s okay…be your own. Because better days are ahead for you. This I do know. I also want you to know that I’m thinking of you.
You are not forgotten. Just because I have a husband, this doesn’t make me any more lovable than you. Just because I’m in love, doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of you and wanting the same for you. I so want it for you. Love makes a woman blossom. It just does. Here’s what I want to say to those of you who have someone in your life…reach out to your friends who don’t. If you have a friend who is single and you know she’s going through. Send her a card or some flowers on Valentine’s Day. Let her know that someone loves her and is thinking of her. I don’t know who this is for, but it’s for someone. I love you…but God loves you more. And God is concerned about the things you are concerned about.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong for feeling sad. Feel the feelings, move through them…don’t hold them inside…release them… and then plan a time with some friends to laugh the time away. Then get on Facebook and watch people post these Fake stories…then holler! Because they are out here. Let me go before I go left…I can be a little shady at times…pray for a sister. Seriously, people are going to flood their wall with their Valentine’s gifts and etc. I promise not to do this. I will close with this…I want you know that not only is true love possible for you…it’s inevitable. Remember, love never fails and God loves you best. I love you Awakened Beauties!
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In my line of work I have the unique opportunity to speak with women from around the world. One common challenge for most women I meet is dealing with feelings of unworthiness. Not so much in a self rejection kind of way, but in feeling that women are not living their truth.
As a woman, you spend so much of your time taking care of other people’s issues and problems that it leaves little room for yourself. I remember sitting down not too long ago reflecting back on my day. I did a mental list of how many times during that day I was called upon to fix, listen, share, take care or put out a fire…of someone else’s problems. When I took a look deeper, I realized that I personally did have any struggles or problems that day. Yet, I had allowed everyone else’s problems to become mine.
My stomach was feeling tight, my breathing was shallow and I was exhausted from other people’s problems. Some were my adult children’s issues, my mom’s issues, my friends issues and client’s issues. It was in that moment that I recognized that I didn’t have to be the cure all for everyone. I didn’t need to be the first person they thought of when something happened to them.
Do you feel me? Don’t you get tired of folks looking to you to be a quick fix and once it’s fixed, you don’t hear from them again until it’s broken again?
Instead of being upset with others or myself, I simply decided this wasn’t the life I wanted for myself. So I made a change. Now, when I get a call from someone who has an emergency problem, I ask myself these questions, “Is this a lesson for me or them? Is this my problem to solve? Am I really needed in this situation or is their a bigger story unfolding that does not involve me?” Once I’ve honestly answered these questions, I take actions that are in alignment with the answers. If my answers are “no” to the questions, I simply listen to them for a brief moment, then I tell them that I will pray for them and to keep me posted. I then say goodbye.
Of course my private coaching clients have the honor of having me there to coach them through their issues. It’s what they hired me to do. So, that’s a different story because it’s my job. But I’m talking about something different here.
As women, we were not designed to be everyone’s dumping ground. We are nurturers, life givers, but not door mats. Our need to be needed because that’s what makes us feel worthy can become a destructive pattern for us. We have to be very mindful that being needed doesn’t stroke our ego or make you feel special or important. You are already special and important. Stop organizing your life around everyone else. It’s the not best for you and it’s a form of hiding. Hold yourself in the highest manner and others will do the same.
We are to be there for others when they are in need. But you cannot never give to others from an empty cup. Women all over the world are serving from empty cups. It has left us feeling overwhelmed, depleted and drained. This not God’s highest good for you. One of the most important questions I have come to ask myself is , “What would they do if I was dead?” They would find a way. That’s what they would do.
In living Love as a Lifestyle, you owe it to those you care about to take care of yourself first. This allows for you to give your best self to them. Who’s filling your cup? You have to fill your own cup. Take a moment and breathe. Stop carrying other people’s problems on your back. Release and stand up for yourself. It’s a lesson worth learning.
I want to hear from you…what do you think?
My friend Ernestine Middleton loves to repeat this quote, “The only thing that is constant is change.” Change is one of those things that we as women do our best to avoid. Women need to know the details. We need to know that we can handle and control everything that’s coming our way. It’s all about feeling secure for us.
Yet, embracing change is vital to our growth, expansion and success in life. In order for you to blossom and rise to your full level of potential and possibility, you will surely have to embrace lots of change. Beginning with yourself.
Each time, I’ve ever made the transition onto a new and higher level in my personal and professional life, it was met with much change. It was when I resisted the change, that my life would become filled with suffering and struggle.
The #1 reason women resist change is their lack of Trust. My resistance, just like most women, came from a lack of trust. Unfortunately, most women don’t trust themselves enough. When they think about doing something new, it creates all sorts of thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and lack. Add to that, the fact that most don’t trust others and they don’t trust that there is a greater story unfolding for their life.
But this is something that must change. Because trusting yourself is essential to your success. And women who have a high ability to trust themselves and others are the ones who get to live their big dreams.
The reason why you might not trust yourself is because you’ve had negative, painful, or challenging past experiences that led you to believe that you can’t trust. Maybe you took a risk and it didn’t pay off. Maybe you trusted someone who did you wrong. Or maybe you were simply told that you couldn’t trust, because people make bad decisions and the world is a scary place.
The truth is, we’ve all had these experiences that make us feel like we can’t trust. So if you feel that way, don’t worry… you’re not alone.
But the key is to embrace this lack of trust because it’s hurting you and blocking your ability to achieve more in your life. When you don’t trust yourself or others, you can bet that people don’t trust you either. And that’s a problem, because if people don’t trust you, they won’t do business with you, be in relationship with you, or simply embrace you.
Instead of giving you a 3 step formula to trusting yourself, I would prefer to offer you some questions to consider. Take a moment to consider your feelings on trust. Do you make decisions on a daily basis that reflect your trust in yourself? Do you take risks and try new things? What about your trust with others? When they talk, do you listen from the standpoint of trying to prove them wrong or fight against them?
What about your trust in something greater like God? Can you see that there is a bigger story unfolding for your life? Are you able to let go of control and trust that things will work out just fine? Or do you feel like everything is resting 100% on your shoulders and you have to push and fight your way to success?
As you contemplate these questions, don’t judge the answers you get. Simply become aware of what’s true for you today. You can’t change anything until you are aware of what’s been going on. And with this new awareness, you can begin to make new choices for your life.
Angela Carr Patterson
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below.