Finding Freedom on Friday

It was 1994, and I had reached a point in my life when I knew I had to stop pretending. Stop pretending that my life was okay. Because it wasn’t. While it looked like a pretty package on the outside, it was far from pretty. In fact, it was pretty ugly. I was in a broken marriage that had lost its love and passion. I was being emotionally and mentally tormented and abused. I had been given STDs from his infidelity (thank God they were curable), I had my money taken from me, I was controlled, bullied  and I was suffering internally. You see, I lived in this “Invisible Bubble”  where I was not permitted to be honest and that bubble was my church.

We had been in that church for years and we had a very strong, legalistic pastor who created a culture of fear. I called this culture the “The Invisible Bubble.” The church my ex-husband and I attended taught us to lie. Not to literally lie, but if you complained or even appeared to be unhappy about anything, you were considered ungrateful to God and not a good Christian.

God was presented to us as the big fixer. And if your life was a mess, it was a mess because you did something wrong or you didn’t pray enough or you were not a strong enough Christian. And in our bubble, in our world, if you were not Godly, then you were evil. Who wanted to be seen as evil or a hypocrite.? So, I continued to suffer in silence. And when I finally had had enough…when my physical health was declining, when I was mentally and emotionally broken, I went to my pastor to share that I wanted to leave my husband. Only to be told that I couldn’t leave and that God would fix it.

I went back home, took my pastor’s advice and rejected my own truth.  There are millions of women who everyday reject their own truth. We live in a continuous state of fear and denial. Because truth is, if we really opened our eyes to see the truth, admitted the truth, then we would have to do something about that truth. So often I hear women say, “I just don’t know what to do.” Yet, that’s simply not correct. We always know what to do when we live in our truth.  But it’s easier to remain confused because you don’t have to choose or do something different,  if you’re still confused.

We become more concerned with appearances and what other people may think of us, that we remain in a perpetual state of fear and pretense. We even paint these false images of our lives on social media because somewhere deep on the inside of us we crave, we need and hunger for others to validate our lies. This makes it easier to continue in the lies.

We finally left that church and went to a new one. At this new church, our new pastor often invited speakers to share with the congregation. These new teachings were not only liberating, but powerful. Things were not getting better at home.  But I was getting better and stronger. Then one day, my ex-husband left us.  Prior to him leaving, without my knowledge, he had taken the money out of the bank account, he had stopped paying the mortgage and the utilities and he took my car when he left.  He thought leaving me this way would break me and I would beg him to come back to me. Little did he know, I was stronger than I appeared and I had finally stopped pretending and told myself the radical truth. I could no longer pretend my life was good. I realized that I had lived in a constant state of denial and I had disowned my truth for a long time. So him leaving was my blessing…even if I had no plan B.

How often do we do this to ourselves? It’s the ultimate betrayal when we allow ourselves to live someone else’s version of how our lives are supposed to be. I believe there are 3 reasons we don’t tell ourselves the truth.

1. We are too busy to see the truth. I was so busy running my business, raising my kids and trying to live by the rules of the “bubble” that I couldn’t see my truth. It wasn’t until I started to slow my life down that I began to really feel the painful negative effects of my marriage on my life. I encourage you to slow down, reflect and re-assess some areas of your life that’s not working. You will come to know your truth.

2. We are too blind to see the truth. I had blinders own. I was taught by the “Invisible Bubble” life to see the glass half full. And that’s exactly what I did. But what I didn’t see was that the glass was half full with murky, muddy, dirty water. I would no longer be blinded by the ideas of what others wanted for me. You must open your eyes to see what you refuse to see in order to live your truth.

3. We are too bound to see the truth. When we are “bound” it’s like having your hands tied behind your back with a rope. You can’t move, you can’t break free.  My mind was bound by the false teachings of the bubble. I had allowed myself to rely on others to teach me and tell me “my truth.”  It’s important that you don’t try to figure things out alone. Get some outside help from trained professionals who can help you see new perspectives of a better way.  Who can help you break free from the limits of your own “bubble” in your life. Living in a bubble where everyone thinks the same is not only unhealthy, but dangerous.

All churches are not like the one I allowed myself to be caught up in. There’s nothing wrong with being a part of a community, a church, a fellowship, a culture that feeds you, nourishes you and empowers you. But what I want you to know is that NO ONE has the power to control how you think and what you do with your life. When this happens, you lose the very freedom and liberty that God has given to you.

When you become sick and tired enough of living in pretense and denial, you will do everything and risk everything to find your freedom. I didn’t know how my life was going to end up when my ex-husband left, but I was willing to go down that invisible road. That road is where I found my freedom…my Journey to Being Me!  It is my hope that this message will help you will find your own freedom on this March 1st,  Friday of 2019.

Did you find value in this article? What resonated with you? Are you in a bubble? What’s your bubble? What are you denying in your life? What’s your next step? Leave your comment below. Don’t forget to share this article with your social media friends.

The Forgotten Woman

Mixed Race woman with curly hair

I’ve been an entrepreneur for 33 years now and I can tell you that I would have it no other way. I love building dreams and birthing visions. I also love helping women do the same and this is exactly what get to do every day. Yet recently, I’ve been noticing a common issue among women. They seem to be sadden. Don’t get me wrong, many are excited about how their dreams are being fulfilled. I see lots of women’s groups on social media chanting their theme of “Boss Lady.” I see them posting all of the great things that are happening and the success they are experiencing in their companies. I love watching women celebrate their wins. I celebrate with them.

Yet, what I don’t see is a lot of women sharing their happiness outside of their businesses, careers and their kids. We are notorious for bragging about our kids, our career successes and even our weight losses. I love seeing this happen. But the one area that you see very little from successful women is their love life. Now, I recognize that some women tend to feel that part of their lives need not be shared. I get it. But when I talk to women and the issue arises, I have encountered the some common pains. That is…many successful women are not truly happy in their love life. I didn’t say all of them…but if they were truthful, a lot of them feel that something is missing in their love life.

How can we become so successful in other areas of our lives and yet, when it comes to creating intimate, harmonious, healthy, mutually satisfying relationships, we are failing big time?

The answer? We have somehow forgotten that part of ourselves. We have disowned that part of who we are, because we remember the pain she’s experienced every time she opens her heart. So we hide and shield her. How do we hide her? We hide through our success, our work and taking care of everyone else. And somehow, we think this is enough for us.

The truth is, it isn’t. Women thrive when they live from their hearts. Love is a natural state for us. And when we are in love and being loved in returned the correct way, we blossom. Remember, when people use to tell you that you were glowing? They could tell that you had fallen in love. Yet, that love turned on you. That love hurt you and because of this, you’ve not allowed yourself to love deeply any longer. You’d rather play it safe and not risk being hurt again by anyone…including your husband.

So you busy yourself being his wife…his partner…but surely not his woman. Whether you are married, divorced, single, widowed or in a “It’s complicated” relationship…you deserve to be loved and cherished as a woman. It’s fuel to our soul. We’re built for love. Yet, we haven’t learned how to master this area of our lives. So we become driven by success because at least we can feel some sort of self worth and value from what we do. Because we are not really sure that we can be loved for WHO we are.

But isn’t it time for us to reclaim that part of ourselves that we’ve some how left on the table? It’s time to take back that disowned part of ourselves that we’ve not told to truth to. It’s time to heal that part of us that we’ve tried to shield from more pain. You’ve heard me say that this is the year to be Remarkable. I truly believe that when women are happy, loved and successful that we can and we will be apart of the radical change in the world. We women are fearless when we are living love in all areas of our lives..including intimate relationships.

Are you finally ready to recapture that part of yourself that wants and desires love? You can have it. Not only is it possible, it’s inevitable. I want to invite you to join my Insider’s Circle where I will be teaching women leaders and entrepreneurs on the keys to life mastery. Not only will we learn the strategies to make life work in areas of business, success and health…we will do some deep dives into relationship building…making love work. This program is about speaking to the soul of a woman. That includes your love life.

For only $37 a month, you will begin to see your life transform in ways you’ve never imagined.  Take a look and join today. Our monthly call is tonight and we would love for you to be apart of this wonderful group of women. This is not just any woman’s group…this is a experience that speaks to the primal part of your soul as a woman.  Join now: 

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