I remember when I was a divorced, young mother of three children on Valentine’s Day. It was a horrible time, as I would witness all of my friends receiving flowers at work and getting ready for an evening of dinner and love. Some of my single friends and I would joke and tease each other about not wanting to leave the house on that evening.
It wasn’t so much that I wanted someone to send me flowers or take me out to dinner, it was that no one seemed to WANT to. My pain originated from a deep place of not feeling lovable. I thought perhaps I wasn’t thin enough, pretty enough, sexy enough or even good enough. I remember my loneliness feeling like a deep ache in my body. I would actually roll from side to side in my bed and moan from that relentless agony of loneliness.
It wasn’t until I was ready to stop playing the victim and feeling sorry for myself, that my life took a turn. The next year, I found myself lonely, once again. But this time, I choose not to be alone. Some of my single friends and I, men included, decided to watch movies and eat pizza at my house. We had the best time. We joked about not having dates, but saving money on gifts we didn’t have to buy. We also cried about lost love and how to get stronger by supporting each other. It was a great time. Not the alternative I desired, but at least I wasn’t alone. Still lonely, but not alone. At least that’s what I told myself.
Often times, life will show up to teach us many lessons. As I began to embrace my singleness, I also began to understand the difference between being alone and lonely. Being alone was a temporary state of being that I chose, to reflect, renew and revive myself and my life. Being lonely was a state of being that I allowed to choose me, and create suffering and struggle.
As I embraced my time alone time, it became a beautiful space of learning and recognizing my many incredibly lovable traits. This is where I began to develop my “Love Rekindled” Program, that I teach men and women from around the world. As I began to actualize the principles in this result based program, I started to awakened within me, the true authentic woman. And I began to fall in love with who I was become…or shall I say who was emerging within me.
As I began to actualize this process of rekindling the love within me, the magic happened. I became irresistible. True self love will radiate from you like a magnet and it will attract back to you the same thing in your life.
By the time Valentine’s Day came around the next year, I received three different dozens of flowers delivered to my home and office. I received beautiful gifts, dinner, dancing and a lot of laughter. I actually had 3 different dates on the same Valentine’s Day. Lunch with the first one, dinner with the second one, and dancing with the last one. And yes, they all knew about each other. I wasn’t actually in a relationship with anyone. These were simply amazing men, I had met, who were trying to get my attention. As Steve Harvey says, “let them work for you.” You are worth the effort.
I did not go after these results. My only goal was to release the painful experience of loneliness. My goal wasn’t to have a date for Valentine’s Day. I simply wanted to be free from the feeling of not being lovable. It was about an internal shift, of how I viewed and loved myself.
I actually married one of those incredible me, that same year. He’s my love and I am his. Together, we have a wonderful life.
If you are alone this Valentine’s Day or if your relationships is not what you truly would like it to be, I want to encourage you to do something different. Begin by choosing YOU. Because, not only is love possible for you, it’s inevitable. Your love story must begin with YOU!
What will you do different this year? Please leave your comment below:
In my line of work I often hear stories of people who are very much in love with each other, yet they simply can’t seem to make love work. One common denominator that I have discovered is that these people are not compatible for loving each other. There are some things we much learn in order to have compatibility. Watch the Video below to determine if you and your beloved are compatible, then join me for my Heart Secrets Radio Show where I will be sharing how we can be find ways to create compatibility in our relationships. Please be sure to leave your comments below.
I often hear women say, “a good man is hard to find.” They also go on to say that it’s hard to find a man who’s comfortable with a powerful and successful woman. Some women tend to believe that men are often intimidated by their success. While I can perhaps understand this theory, I can’t say that I totally agree with it.
First of all, there are very few things that a man is afraid of and a woman is typically not one of them. There are numerous of successful and powerful women who are experiencing beautiful and loving relationships with men who adore, admire and love them. And that’s because these women have discovered the hidden secret power to making love work.
As I began to explore a little deeper into this topic, I discovered several reasons why so many powerful and successful women are having a difficult time in finding and sustaining a harmonious relationship with a good man. But today, I will explore only one of them.
Over the last forty plus years, women have made great strides in the workplace and in our careers. We’ve experienced as much success as our male counterparts and in some cases we’ve even surpassed them. Of course we must celebrate these great achievements.
But somewhere during this expansion we have lost our sense of who we really are as women. We changed our clothes to imitate men in our tailored blue and black suits. We deepened our voices and tensed our faces so that we could be taken more seriously in meetings. We worked long tiring hours trying to prove ourselves and keep up the masculine pace. We wanted to be treated like one of the boys and when this didn’t happened, we often cried discrimination…and in many cases, we were right to do so.
We not only competed with the men, we became them. And while yes, we became what the world would deem as successful and powerful, yet for many of us, it was achieved at a great cost. In the midst of climbing the success ladder, we gave up who we really were… our true feminine powerful selves.
We took on the energetic vibration of men. Yet, women were never designed to digest testosterone. We were tricked into believing that we had to do so.
Therefore, when a “good man” did show up in our lives and he didn’t stay very long, we automatically assumed that he was intimidated by our success. But in reality, he came looking for a woman (feminine energy) and what he found was himself (masculine energy), disguised as a woman.
I do believe there maybe times when women need move into our masculine side in the workplace, yet it’s important to remember that only your feminine energy is the power that will attract and keep a “good man.” It’s not your masculine, material power or success that a good man is seeking, it’s the true power of the feminine energy that he so desires and needs. Your masculine side has no place in your relationships.
As a side note, it’s also important to understand that your designer low cut tops, short sexy skirts and red bottom shoes will not get you exactly what you are seeking either. Nor does dimming down and playing the victim or the damsel in distress. If these things worked, millions of successful enterprising women wouldn’t still be lonely. This is not actualizing the authentic feminine power, it’s manipulation and trickery.
Internally is where your power resides. Your true feminine power lies deep within and is expressed from a space of pure love and acceptance of yourself first. It’s about tapping into the flow of the truest, deepest feminine energy that radiates beneath the surface. It’s that magnetic power that would make you attractive no matter what size you are, your hair color or your age. Who we are as women does not make us weak, but very powerful. This power does not intimidate…it‘s the kind of power that every baby, every man, every human being longs for.
Finding a good man is more about “being” than it is about “doing.” The masculine is active, the feminine is passive, the masculine is dynamic, and the feminine is magnetic. The masculine does while the feminine IS. We want a good man, but we will never have one until we recognize and become the feminine women we were created to be.
We can have success in the bedroom and the boardroom. But only when we recognize and accept that our real worth and our real power is not external but internal. A good man is not hard to find…but in many cases…a real woman can be.