by Apatterson | Nov 25, 2014 | Personal Growth
I’ve been receiving several emails and messages asking what’s my take on the situation in Ferguson. My take on that situation and all of the injustices, chaos and conflicts is the same…that at it’s deepest level, we are looking at a society that has forgotten how to love. And while the issues are deep and internal, we keep trying to fix them externally. You will never solve internal problems with external solutions. At least not permanently. We can get angry, we can blame and we can shout. But the truth is…when we finish shouting, cussing, fussing and making noise, we still have these problems. Humanity needs an overhaul. We have become a society who are seeking quick fixes, magic solutions and we are not willing to look within ourselves for the solutions.
You start solving the world’s problems by starting to love yourself on a personal level. It’s not only an important idea to consider, but it’s urgent! For the world’s good that we start loving ourselves and start seeing our own worth. It’s the only way were are going to have healthy happy relationships. It’s the only way we are going to be a creative contributor to the world. It’s the only way we are going to heal the family breakdown. It’s the only way were are going to stop the violence, it’s the only way we are going to stop injustice even things like poverty, racism, prejudices, and global economic meltdown. When we start loving ourselves, we stop hurting ourselves AND each other.
And that’s what true balance is ultimately about…loving ourselves is the answer. It’s about bringing healing to ourselves individually and to our fellow sisters and brothers. We can’t continue on this tragic journey..it’s a downward spiral. We can’t continue to self reject, self injure and not suffer collectively.
So this is a call on us, an invitation to see how important it is that you self love and how important it is for the greater good. You do yourself and no one else any good by being so self rejecting. Yet, recognizing that it’s not your fault that you feel that way. It’s not your failure, it’s your injury.
This kind of thinking requires that we shift away from the false images that we acquired along the way. And to reverse this, you must change the way you see yourself. We need to recover our true selves, strip away that confusion and that illusion and those lies and come into deep appreciation for the glory, the wonder, the magnificence of who we are and know that it’s not based on what we do…but by virtue of who we are…who we be.
At the root of every world’s problem is low self esteem. At the root of every crisis, at everything going wrong, every bit of poverty, even a lot of sickness…at the root of that is the fundamental idea or belief that “I don’t matter, I don’t count, I’m not worthy.” This is an injury that you encountered along the way by someone who no doubt was injured too.
This is about healing, not blaming. Recovering self, not looking for the perpetrator but recognizing that collectively we are all suffering and for each of us…the first act is one of incredible self love and compassion. To say no more, I matter, I count, I am worth something. I’m need to be whole. The world needs me to love me, to be balanced, to self value. Because without that I’m no good to anybody.
The answer to every single issue in our lives is love. Where there is conflict…that’s where we’ve forgotten to love. Now you have it. This is my take on the situation. I will never allow anything or anyone to remove me from WHO I was born to be. I encourage you to do the same…then we will see this world shift.
by Apatterson | Oct 8, 2013 | Money, Personal Growth, Relationships
There was as time in my life when I was so desperate that I made a lot of foolish mistakes. You’ve heard the phrase, “desperate people do desperate things.” Often times, people find themselves in desperate situations for many reasons. But for women, we tend to have a reoccurring cycle of desperation when it comes to our relationships and our money. If you talk to any woman for any length of time, you will soon discover that her story is filled with struggles and pain around her relationships and her money.
For me, I stayed on that up and down roller coaster when it came to my relationships and money. My first marriage was a constant source of pain, struggle, discord and frustration. Things would go well for a few days and then we’d get back to the arguing and discord. It just seemed like we were two people speaking two different languages. We simply couldn’t make our love work. That marriage ended after 16 years of struggle and pain. And even when I started dating a few years after my divorce, it too was another painful experience after another. I became desperate in my relationships. Allowing things that were totally unacceptable in the relationships and doing things that were totally out of character for me. I was desperate. I wanted so much NOT to fail again in my relationship and that’s exactly what happened anyway. I began to recognize that I was the common denominator of my relationship pain.
As in the case of my finances. I would make money in my business and at the end of the month, I would still be broke. Bills late or unpaid and me broke. “What in the world was going on?”, I would think to myself. How could a person earn good money and still not have any? So of course, I believed that I needed to earn more money. Therefore, in my desperation to earn more money, I would throw myself into my business, grinding and trying to make more money. Spending little time with my children and still never having enough money. Again, I recognized that I was at the center of all of this.
Of course, I thought all of this was a personal failure on my part. Or surely it was the men in my life who were worthless and it was perhaps my clients who wouldn’t pay me on time…on and on…I would blame others. But the real deal was, I couldn’t keep a man and I couldn’t keep any money. I was lonely, I was broke and I was desperate. But this time in my space of desperation… someone said to me “for things to get better, you’ve got to get better. For things to change, you’ve got to change.” I finally heard TRUTH and it was then that I was willing to do anything..whatever it took, I was going to change my life. And that’s when my first mentor/coach walked into my life. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. My coach was able to help me see my blind spots. It was NOT what I was doing that was keeping me on this roller coaster ride and causing my struggles and pain, It was WHO I was BEING.
Learning new ways of being and showing up in life as my true authentic self were the keys to my transformation. My coach taught me how to identify the core issues I had around love and money and how to breakthrough…I broke through. I’m now married to a wonderful husband of almost 11 years and my business is growing and upscaling every single year. I know my triggers and I know how to effectively deal with them. Life is not perfect…but it sure is a hell of a lot sweeter when you know who you are and how to align your action with who you really are. Everyday, I get to help women transform their lives through my proven, turn key system…The Love Lifestyle Coaching System.
The first step in me moving my life from a space of desperation to a life of joy and abundance, was to tell the truth to myself about myself. In that new space, there was no judgement, just awareness and awareness gives us the ability to make new choices. What new choices will you make for your life today? Earning more money or finding a new love in your life will not guarantee that you won’t fail again. Identifying WHY you are struggling and learning how to breakthrough is what will offer you the new life you so desire and deserve. You deserve to live your dreams. Nothing new will happen, if you don’t take the steps to become someone new…the person you were meant to me. She’s inside of you already…waiting to emerge. You simply need a midwife to help you give birth to her. I’m willing to be that midwife if you let me.
I will leave you with this question. “When will you take the next step to ensure that your tomorrows will be different?”
Remember, live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle. Because success in life really does begin with love.
by Apatterson | Feb 7, 2012 | Relationships
I love you! At the right time, in the right place, these three little words can literally change your life–when spoken by the right person.
Some women search a lifetime just to hear these words spoken from someone with an authentic heart. Yet for others, the question still remains, “will I ever find real love?”
I believe not only is love possible for every woman, it is inevitable. If we only knew how to make love work. I personally don’t believe that there are any shortages of available, loving men ready to unite with a soul mate, but I do believe there a many women who are not clear on what they want and how to get what they want.
In a nutshell, many women are doing everything in their power to push love out of their lives, and don’t even realize it. In my coaching program, I have coached many of my clients to finding true love, but there were some things they needed to actualize in order to begin attracting love into their lives.
Below are three things you can do right now to begin making love work.
- Focus on relaxing your control, become more flexible and sensitive to your partner. Often time women become very rigid in their relationships by holding back and detaching emotionally for fear of being dominated by their man. But it’s when we move from a place of fear into a place of love and generosity that we can experience real connections with our partners.
- Initiate closeness by sharing your feelings more. Many women, who are successful, tend to avoid real intimacy by staying busy for fear of rejection. Make room in your schedule and spend quality time with your mate to create a space for openness, care and real love. By doing so, you will come to realize that connecting and giving your love does not lead to rejection.
- Be willing to learn something new. Many times we become locked in an old paradigm of thinking that’s producing the problems in our relationship. Perhaps it’s time that you make a shift into identifying those limiting patterns that are keeping your life stuck. Hiring a life coach or mentor to help you learn to live from a new feminine power base would be a great asset.
Our real worth and our real power are not in our material power or success; it is in our feminine authentic self. A real man is not hard to find…but a real woman might be.
And remember, live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle! Because success really does begin with love.
We would love to hear what you have to say, please leave us a comment below.
I’ve been receiving several emails and messages asking what’s my take on the situation in Ferguson. My take on that situation and all of the injustices, chaos and conflicts is the same…that at it’s deepest level, we are looking at a society that has forgotten how to love. And while the issues are deep and internal, we keep trying to fix them externally. You will never solve internal problems with external solutions. At least not permanently. We can get angry, we can blame and we can shout. But the truth is…when we finish shouting, cussing, fussing and making noise, we still have these problems. Humanity needs an overhaul. We have become a society who are seeking quick fixes, magic solutions and we are not willing to look within ourselves for the solutions.