It Simply Was Not My Problem

09c600ce6c3a40bda66f56679421d239In my line of work I have the unique opportunity to speak with women from around the world. One common challenge for most women I meet is dealing with feelings of unworthiness. Not so much in a self rejection kind of way, but in feeling that women are not living their truth.

As a woman, you spend so much of your time taking care of other people’s issues and problems that it leaves little room for yourself. I remember sitting down not too long ago reflecting back on my day. I did a mental list of how many times during that day I was called upon to fix, listen, share, take care or put out a fire…of someone else’s problems. When I took a look deeper, I realized that I personally did have any struggles or problems that day. Yet, I had allowed everyone else’s problems to become mine.

My stomach was feeling tight, my breathing was shallow and I was exhausted from other people’s problems. Some were my adult children’s issues, my mom’s issues, my friends issues and client’s issues. It was in that moment that I recognized that I didn’t have to be the cure all for everyone. I didn’t need to be the first person they thought of when something happened to them.

Do you feel me? Don’t you get tired of folks looking to you to be a quick fix and once it’s fixed, you don’t hear from them again until it’s broken again?

Instead of being upset with others or myself, I simply decided this wasn’t the life I wanted for myself. So I made a change. Now, when I get a call from someone who has an emergency problem, I ask myself these questions, “Is this a lesson for me or them? Is this my problem to solve? Am I really needed in this situation or is their a bigger story unfolding that does not involve me?” Once I’ve honestly answered these questions, I take actions that are in alignment with the answers. If my answers are “no” to the questions, I simply listen to them for a brief moment, then I tell them that I will pray for them and to keep me posted. I then say goodbye.

Of course my private coaching clients have the honor of having me there to coach them through their issues. It’s what they hired me to do. So, that’s a different story because it’s my job. But I’m talking about something different here.

As women, we were not designed to be everyone’s dumping ground. We are nurturers, life givers, but not door mats. Our need to be needed because that’s what makes us feel worthy can become a destructive pattern for us. We have to be very mindful that being needed doesn’t stroke our ego or make you feel special or important. You are already special and important. Stop organizing your life around everyone else. It’s the not best for you and it’s a form of hiding. Hold yourself in the highest manner and others will do the same.

We are to be there for others when they are in need. But you cannot never give to others from an empty cup. Women all over the world are serving from empty cups. It has left us feeling overwhelmed, depleted and drained. This not God’s highest good for you. One of the most important questions I have come to ask myself is , “What would they do if I was dead?”  They would find a way. That’s what they would do.

In living Love as a Lifestyle, you owe it to those you care about to take care of yourself first. This allows for you to give your best self to them. Who’s filling your cup? You have to fill your own cup. Take a moment and breathe. Stop carrying other people’s problems on your back. Release and stand up for yourself. It’s a lesson worth learning.

I want to hear from you…what do you think?

Fatherless Daughters Are Now Ready to Tell Their Stories!

MSV-home-page-9Oprah Winfrey and Iyanla Vanzant did an Expose’ on Daddyless Daughters on the OWN network last year in July. Since that time, much as been written and spoken about the impact on a girl’s life when she grows up fatherless. We’ve been inundated with theories, studies and researches that show the many negative consequences on a girl growing up without an attentive, loving father.

New books are on the rise, television shows are being created and even the bloggers are hopping on the band wagon to talk about fatherless daughters. “It’s as if we have become some sort of phenomenon,” say’s Angela Carr Patterson, Author of the highly acclaimed book, “I’m Not That Woman…A Fatherless Daughter’s Journey to Being” and creator of the soon to be released documentary, “The Making of a Fatherless Daughter.”
Patterson continues to say, “Everyone is trying to tell our stories, but we are the ones who lived it. I think it’s about time that we had our say and tell our own stories, in our own unique way.”

With the success of her book, Angela has traveled speaking to women who grew up with an unattached, unavailable or absent father. Through her “Fatherless Daughter Breakthrough System”, she has helped women from around the world heal their daddy wounds through the principles of Love, Acceptance and Forgiveness. Understanding the depth of this pain and the many severe consequences experienced by females once they reach adulthood, Angela is on a mission to help women heal and create a new story for their lives.

As a third generation fatherless daughter herself, Angela knows first hand what it feels like to be invisible to your father while growing up. And as a result of this one key missing element in her life, she certainly struggled to make her life work. After her first marriage of sixteen years ended in a bitter divorce, Angela began what she calls her, “Journey to Being.” The “Journey to Being” process consist of seven principles that she incorporated in her life to help her move through her pain to healing her daddy wounds and to now living a life of love, acceptance and forgiveness.

The founder of The Fatherless Daughter Network and a Fatherless Daughter Advocate, Angela is thrilled to introduce her new soon to be released documentary, “The Making of a Fatherless Daughter.” This powerful and sensitive short film features the stories of five women who grew up as fatherless daughters. Two of the women fathers were in the home and viewers will learn why they still considered themselves fatherless daughters. The stories are told with transparency, honesty, a lot of raw emotions and more importantly with an intense amount of forgiveness and love. “The women in this film placed it all there for us to see. They were authentic, real and transparent”, says Angela. Angela continues on by saying, “It’s time that we had our say and told our own stories. We are not a study or a statistic, but we are real women who’s lives have been impacted by this issue. We are not here to blame our dads or play the victim. We are not broken or damaged, we simply need to heal our daddy wounds and rewrite a new story for our lives.”

This film not only shows that it’s possible for women to heal their daddy wounds, but if they are willing, it’s also inevitable.”

To learn more about how you can host a Making of a Fatherless Daughter Viewing or to attend one in your area, contact info@fatherlessdaughters.net. To get more information about The Fatherless Daughter Network, log onto www.fatherlessdaughters.net

Are You Stressed or Stretched?

Women often come to me and say that they are overwhelmed. Sure as women we have our plates full most of the time. But it’s very important that we don’t always confused being stretched with being stressed. Because there is a difference. Watch the video below as I share this week’s Love Lifestyle Moment of Inspiration…Stressed vs Stretched.

Design Your Week

Screen-Shot-2013-03-03-at-6.26.39-AMI  truly believe that we have the power to live our lives by design. We all  have been born with amazing capabilities to create life with our thoughts and our words. Today, I want to challenge you to dedicate this week to God.  Decide that you are going to have a wonderful week filled with love, peace and joy.

You can do this by starting each day in prayer, meditation and focusing your attention on Love. Begin to imagine in your mind the kind of week you want and begin to speak that image out loud. Be specific, feel the emotion attached to it, write what you’re feeling down in your journal, read it aloud and thank God for it being granted.  Our words give power to our lives. Therefore remember to speak only what you desire to see manifested in your life. Purpose in your heart to remain in Love’s space. Because that’s where God lives.

WARNING –  I want to warn you, however, that the very moment you decide to make love a priority in your life, everything that’s not like love will begin to surface.

When unloving things happen you can choose to take the high road as exampled here:

  • When a co-worker says something that is untrue about you.
  • Embrace your husband and kiss him on the forehead when he doesn’t take the trash out once again.
  • Remind your child how magnificent he is when he is acting like a fool.

I’m not suggesting that you become a door mat.  What I am telling you is to refuse to focus on the evil around you and choose to focus and see the Love of God that’s every where.

You have the option to see life differently and when you do, you will make new choices that support your new reality and vision of life.

When we choose to love instead of hate, when we choose to give instead of take, when we choose to laugh instead of complain, we will have what we desire. We are co-creators with God and it is our birthright to be happy, joyful and free on any given day we choose. Dedicate this week to God; to Love and you will experience an extraordinary Love Filled week.  It’s yours and you deserve it!