I remember when I was a divorced, young mother of three children on Valentine’s Day. It was a horrible time, as I would witness all of my friends receiving flowers at work and getting ready for an evening of dinner and love. Some of my single friends and I would joke and tease each other about not wanting to leave the house on that evening.
It wasn’t so much that I wanted someone to send me flowers or take me out to dinner, it was that no one seemed to WANT to. My pain originated from a deep place of not feeling lovable. I thought perhaps I wasn’t thin enough, pretty enough, sexy enough or even good enough. I remember my loneliness feeling like a deep ache in my body. I would actually roll from side to side in my bed and moan from that relentless agony of loneliness.
It wasn’t until I was ready to stop playing the victim and feeling sorry for myself, that my life took a turn. The next year, I found myself lonely, once again. But this time, I choose not to be alone. Some of my single friends and I, men included, decided to watch movies and eat pizza at my house. We had the best time. We joked about not having dates, but saving money on gifts we didn’t have to buy. We also cried about lost love and how to get stronger by supporting each other. It was a great time. Not the alternative I desired, but at least I wasn’t alone. Still lonely, but not alone. At least that’s what I told myself.
Often times, life will show up to teach us many lessons. As I began to embrace my singleness, I also began to understand the difference between being alone and lonely. Being alone was a temporary state of being that I chose, to reflect, renew and revive myself and my life. Being lonely was a state of being that I allowed to choose me, and create suffering and struggle.
As I embraced my time alone time, it became a beautiful space of learning and recognizing my many incredibly lovable traits. This is where I began to develop my “Love Rekindled” Program, that I teach men and women from around the world. As I began to actualize the principles in this result based program, I started to awakened within me, the true authentic woman. And I began to fall in love with who I was become…or shall I say who was emerging within me.
As I began to actualize this process of rekindling the love within me, the magic happened. I became irresistible. True self love will radiate from you like a magnet and it will attract back to you the same thing in your life.
By the time Valentine’s Day came around the next year, I received three different dozens of flowers delivered to my home and office. I received beautiful gifts, dinner, dancing and a lot of laughter. I actually had 3 different dates on the same Valentine’s Day. Lunch with the first one, dinner with the second one, and dancing with the last one. And yes, they all knew about each other. I wasn’t actually in a relationship with anyone. These were simply amazing men, I had met, who were trying to get my attention. As Steve Harvey says, “let them work for you.” You are worth the effort.
I did not go after these results. My only goal was to release the painful experience of loneliness. My goal wasn’t to have a date for Valentine’s Day. I simply wanted to be free from the feeling of not being lovable. It was about an internal shift, of how I viewed and loved myself.
I actually married one of those incredible me, that same year. He’s my love and I am his. Together, we have a wonderful life.
If you are alone this Valentine’s Day or if your relationships is not what you truly would like it to be, I want to encourage you to do something different. Begin by choosing YOU. Because, not only is love possible for you, it’s inevitable. Your love story must begin with YOU!
What will you do different this year? Please leave your comment below:
Often times we get stuck in life because of circumstances that come our way. Perhaps you find yourself unemployed or divorced from your marriage. Maybe you were forced to close your business or move to another state. Whatever the reason, you have become stuck.
I believe there is one reason that many people find themselves stuck and can’t seem to move beyond their circumstances. The reason we can’t seem to move beyond our stuck places is because of our beliefs about our circumstances. Many people believe that they’ve been robbed. You believe that your job was stolen from you, that your relationship was stolen or that you were robbed of that business. You feel victimized because you should not have been fired or laid off. You feel that your marriage didn’t work because your spouse was not cooperative in making it work. In other words, you feel your loss in these situations were a result of something taken from you.
But what if these things were not stolen from you? What if the cycles and seasons were complete? There are times on our lives when things have to be completed. When we believe something was stolen, we remain in a constant state of wanting it back. This attitude keeps you stuck in always looking backward instead of moving forward. You focus all of your energies in trying to recapture what was instead of looking towards what can be.
Perhaps you are not trying to get your marriage back, but you spend a lot of energy trying to find that next husband instead of allowing yourself to create a relationship with yourself. Maybe you don’t want that same job or that same business, but you go into a panic and stress desperately trying to get another job. Why not breathe and allow God to direct you into the direction of the new job waiting on you. Stillness creates the magic.
What if you could accept the fact that everything that has left was a result of a cycle or season being complete? And when something is complete, you can rest and be at peace that things turned out just as it was supposed to.
As a result of this realization, you can move forward with a deep expectancy of something more beautiful and more expansive in stored for you. You may not get a replacement for that husband because you can enter a new and beautiful union that is deeper and richer than anything you could have desired. Not a replaced marriage, but a new one because you decided to spend time with yourself first.
You see when you complete high school, you don’t feel that you were robbed of high school. You have a sense of completion and you then begin to anticipate a new world called college. You don’t regret high school or feel robbed, you celebrate leaving high school and moving onto the next chapter of your life.
So the next time something in your life ends, no need to try and get it back. Recognize that it was not stolen, but that season has completed itself and it’s time to move onto a new chapter. This is how you get unstuck by celebrating what was and embracing what can be.
And remember, live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle.
We want to hear from you. What are your thoughts about getting unstuck? Leave a comment below…
As you know 2014 is the year that I’ve dedicated to going big and unleashing my dreams! It’s what I’ve been pushing my coaching clients to do as well.
I truly believe that NOW is the time for all women to begin to move in the direction of their dreams and to do it big. But I also realize that it cannot be done alone. While I am very good and talented at helping my clients achieve their goals, whether it be to find a soul mate, launch a new business or level up an existing business, pursue a career such as singing or modeling, increasing their money flow or making their marriage better, we have seen extremely incredible results.
What I know for sure is that anytime you decide to go after your dream, whatever it is, you need support. We don’t always see our blind spots, the things that keep us stuck or what’s right in front of us. There are times when we simply need a new and fresh perspective on things. That’s what a good coach will always do for you. I believe this is the reason I have clients who have been coaching with me, privately, for years. They understand the benefits of having a coach.
I’m not telling you to hire me, but do hire someone who is skilled at doing the job. Also make sure it’s a truly good fit. Coaching between the client and the coach is a collaborative process and it has be right for it to work.
In the month of February, I had the opportunity to put this philosophy into action for myself. I’ve always had coaches. But because I’ve set some really high goals this year, so I decided to have VIP day. One of my coaches actually traveled to my home town and came to my home office and we put together a blueprint for my life and business for 2014. It was a wonderful experience to be on the other side of a VIP day. We worked for nine hours and I had a blast.
I have also joined a small mastermind of three other women. We meet every week via google hangout. We are all located in different parts of the country, but we are very connected to each other. They are like sisters. We hold each other accountable and we offer support and assistance to each other. It feels wonderful to know that I can go to one of my mastermind team members and ask for help and they are on it right away. We exchange resources and ideas with each other. We are all leaders and successful business women.
As a result of increasing time with my private coach, having a VIP day and joining this mastermind group, and increasing my prayer, meditation, studying and giving more in tithes/offerings, within 2 months the doors of heaven have blown open.
I do not share any of this to boast or brag. I am merely using this as an inspiration to you. I want to encourage you and challenge you to go after your dreams. I have a 3 step formula for making dreams come true:
1. Create Your Space: In order for your dreams to grow, you’ve got to create a suitable space and that space is your heart and mindset. There are things you must do to heal those spaces in your heart that have been wounded. Such as forgiveness. Who do you need to forgive? Also you must enlarge your heart space to love more freely. Where are you withholding love from yourself and others? And you’ve got to change your mindset by erasing those beliefs that no longer serve you. These old sabotaging beliefs will keep your life stuck. Create Your Space for your dreams to be actualized in your life.
Access Your Power: Within you are possibilities and greatness. The only person who hasn’t recognized this is you. Love is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. It’s where your true power lies. Access this Power through prayer, meditation and stillness. Without this Power, your dreams will be limited. But as you access more of this Power into your life, you open your dreams up to infinite possibilities. Where is your most Powerful space?
Unleash Your Dreams: Whatever you’ve been wanting to do or wanting to become in your life, now is the time to do it. What’s your first step? Who do you need to call, what do you need to do? This is the part where you need to ask for help. All big dreams are never accomplished alone. God never intended it to be that way. Find your tribe, find your leader and find your courage to Unleash Your Biggest Dreams and begin to Shine in the world!
It never ceases to amaze me the number of women who are willing to settle for things in life that they don’t want, like or desire. There’s something within us that causes us to simply give up on what’s most important to us. And for many women, they don’t even know what’s really important anymore.
They spend much of their time making sure that other’s are getting their needs, dreams and desires fulfilled. Oh, how I know this feeling all too well. There were times in my life when I wanted to choose my desires, but I felt it was more important that I did what was expected and required of me instead of what was true for me. I became tired and resentful. Not openly, because I would have never wanted to seen as being that kind of woman. But inwardly, I could sense a tightness in my core, my headaches increased and I was constantly tired.
Repressed feelings and emotions will manifest in our bodies. When speaking to thousands of women through the work that I do, I have discovered that my story is not unique. I have found that many women find themselves ignoring the dreams and desires they hold dear in their hearts. They keep telling themselves perhaps one day when the kids are grown; one day when I get the money; or one day when I lose the extra pounds.
But I want to encourage you to make your “one day” today! I have a friend Bonita Clemons who has a new book coming out soon entitled “Don’t Wait til Monday.” People love to wait until Monday to start that new diet, to begin organizing their space, to start that exercise program or to make that important telephone call. We put off things until Monday. Bonita shares how she was trying to contact a dying friend’s brother so he could say goodbye to his sister on the telephone. When she reached someone who could get him on the phone, they asked that Bonita call back on Monday. She told the person that she didn’t have until Monday. So they put the brother on the phone and he was able to speak to his dying sister. Once she heard her brother’s voice, hours later she died.
How long will you continue to wait on your dreams? How long will you wait until your relationship heal? You know that the two of you no longer talk “to” each other, but you talk “past” each other. When will you start the path to healing the relationship?
How long will you wait to launch that business, that dream, that idea? Will you wait until someone else launches a similar idea and then get angry because you believe they stole your idea?
What if I told you that you deserve to live the life of your dreams and that you have the power within you to make it happen? What if you could do it now regardless of your current situation or circumstances? Would you say yes? Will you give yourself permission to go after what you truly want today? I pray that you will.