When Relationships Go South
Often times, we tend to blame others for what’s going on in our lives. Just the other day, I found myself blaming someone for what I was feeling. Yes, I was did just that. None of us are immune to forgetting who we are. And Lord knows, I did forget.
I was feeling so betrayed and so hurt…all in my feelings. The person for whom this was directed had no clue. She was confused and didn’t understand what was happening. We met and had a long conversation about why I was so upset with her. I gave very real, logical reasons for why I felt I was justified in feeling the way I did. But how many of you know that’s how our subconscious works? We feel very justified in our erroneous beliefs and thinking.
As we discussed all of this meaningless stuff that I was bringing up, my long time friend of thirty years apologized. I apologized, then we ate some food and laughed.
But when I arrived back home, I still was not feeling any real relief. After much rest, reflection, meditation and prayer, I recognized what was really happening here. I was able to get to the heart of the matter. To the truth. I will always tell you the truth, even when it does not hold me in the greatest light. As a spiritual thought leader and global life strategist, I have come to understand the importance of always telling the truth and getting to the heart, the core of the matter.
The truth is, we must be willing to take full responsibility for our healing and our lives. Each of us is the cause of whatever we think, feel and do. We cannot heal if we give away our power by believing that other people and circumstances have control over our lives or that they are the reason for our feelings and thoughts.
We must completely abandon any tendency to make excuses, to blame and to play the victim. On that day, I was all in my feelings and victimhood. Something that I just KNEW I’d conquered years ago. But personal growth and expansion has no expiration date. We are always a work in progress and will forever need to continue to shift. This is an important thing to be mindful of.
I knew that none of this was about my friend, or what was happening with us. This was about me.
Recently, I have been working on a new level of my work, my calling, my vision. Stepping into a newness, bigger than anything I’ve ever done before. And I have done some really big things in my career such as working with A-List Celebrities, Hollywood Executives and producing events in Hollywood and NYC that others only dream about. I’ve done some really powerful things, like bringing together individuals and companies that resulted in a mult-millon dollar projects. But what I am embarking upon is so much more bigger, deeper and meaningful to the planet.
Somewhere deep within, I’ve been fearful. Not on a surface level, but on an unconscious level. My coaches, mentors and I have even discussed these fears. And I just knew I was okay. But then on an unconscious level, I created this situation with my friend. It was meant to distract, sabotage and serve as a barrier between me and my vision. If I could give energy to this situation, I couldn’t give energy to the new path I’m on. I had created a situation that matched my deepest fears. Of course, I felt it was something real that was being done to me by my friend. Because, when we are in this space, we are confident that we are NOT wrong. That’s how it normally works.
But the truth is, if we have a problem outside, we must go inside to address it. If you don’t like what’s happening now, then be accountable for choosing differently and for changing your perspectives, your awareness and your life. This is exactly what I did. I went inside, became accountable, atoned for my error, apologized and changed my perspective, my awareness and consequently, my life.
Things are well between my friend and I. But this was a great lesson for me. Fear is a gripping and sneaky thing. We must be aware of how it shows up. It may not show up with your teeth shattering and your body trembling. It just may show up as in a situation that triggers all kinds of emotional stuff for you and others that has absolutely nothing to do with what’s really going on. A sneak attack.
I often take risks by sharing parts of myself that are not so pretty. But I’ve come to know that all of me is not always flawless. Yet, it’s what makes me colorful and even dynamic. I promise to always tell you the truth. But more importantly, I will always tell the truth to myself about myself. When I share my many flaws, it keeps me grounded and helps hold me accountable to change and to my beliefs and my teachings.
So, the next time you find yourself blaming and in victim mode, remember, it could be a distraction trying to sabotage your next level. Go in deeper, be accountable, recognized what’s happening and shift quickly. Your life depends on it.
I’m Angela Carr Patterson, Your Global Life Strategist and I’m here for YOU.
Let me hear your thoughts below.