Losing Mom: Lessons I’ve Learned

Losing my mom back in August was one of the worst days of my life. It shook my very foundation and the pain was and still is horrific. So horrible until it landed me in the hospital for 3 days, two weeks ago,  because I allowed it to manifest in my body by not giving it it’s proper release. I refused to grieve. I was not willing to accept the unacceptable truth of losing my closest friend, my sister friend, my safe space, my warmth, my love…my mommy.

 

As I sat in the hospital and looked around into the faces of my beloved dear husband, my brother, my father, my son…the men who love me the most…I saw in their eyes fear, despair and defeat because they couldn’t fix it for me…men like to fix things. The love that I felt radiating from those men as they all surrounded my bed, literally lifted my spirit and my actual body. It was in that moment I was reminded how much I’m loved, cared for, cherished and needed. My oldest brother called me from Georgia and I could feel his fear and love through the phone. Mom taught all of us how to love and care for one another. It was in that moment that I remembered that love. A lot can happen in 3 days. Jesus rose from the dead in 3 days and I rose from that bed in 3 days with a renewed mindset and strength.

 

My mother accompanied me on my last 4 speaking engagements before she passed. I remember her saying to me as we left one of the gigs…she said, “You had those folks mesmerized. You could hear a pin drop in the place. All eyes were on you because you had something real to say to them. Don’t stop doing what you do, because people need you. What you are saying to the people is needed and they are hungry for it. I am so proud of you. And you looked so pretty.” I remembered what she said, “They need you.”

 

We’re only here in this world for a brief moment and we are here for a purpose. When we lose sight of that purpose, we forget who we are. Where purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable. Two days before landing in the hospital, my daughter said to me, “Mom, I know you miss grandma and so do I. But you’re my mother and I don’t want to lose you.”

 

It frightened my children that I was in the hospital. I’ve never been in the hospital but only to have babies and some brief out patient procedures. I had to figure out how I landed there. I did. It was because I had forgotten who I was and why I am who I am. The great thing is that we can at many moment remember. Love allowed me to remember. I keep telling you guys that LOVE is the most powerful force in the universe.

 

I still miss mama so badly. But I also remember that my mother lived life full out. She left nothing undone. Everything that she ever wanted, she brought it. Everything that she wanted to do, she did it. She was fun, loving and straight to the point. She lived her dreams, she loved her family and friends, she fulfilled her purpose in life and left a rich legacy for all to remember and live through. Everything that she promised, she honored.

 

My mother loved me so completely. I never had to second guess that love. What we shared as mother-daughter was something so sacred and so precious that I can’t give it language. People saw it when they saw us together. I’m my mother’s daughter…yes. And I will always be. Yet, I must never forget that I am God’s daughter first.

I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I thought. I know that God has prepared me and kept me for this very moment. That even in one of my greatest loss, there’s victory in God. My soul’s desire is to be of service to God and His purpose for my life. To simply live out my highest level of love, authenticity, creativity, productivity and success.
I also learned that in my deepest sorrow, there’s always a rainbow staring me in the face waiting to be noticed. My rainbow is the announcing of a new grand baby on the way. Yesterday, my daughter and son-in-love announced that they are pregnant. What an amazing gift!

 

I shall forever love my mother and be her daughter. Yet, I’m also a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a friend, a wife and I am so blessed to have a husband who loves me,  family, friends and supporting cast who don’t mind demonstrating what love looks like to me. I’m so very blessed to know a God who never leaves me or forsakes me.
Today, I’m well. For that I am grateful. This is a lesson that I learned from my mom. Now, if you excuse me…I’ve got some life to live.

Take the Journey with Us!

When I started this journey of helping women who grew up with an unattached, unavailable or absent father, I had no idea how big the need would be. Before facing my own father-daughter issues, I simply didn’t believe I had any. I would always say, “I didn’t miss what I didn’t have.” Little did I know that I was carrying a lot of pain as a result of not having my father’s provision, protection, presence and praise. The 4 essentials every girl needs from her dad.

You see, I was a model student in school. I made good grades, my mom had me in extra curriculum actives such as modeling, piano, voice and dance. I was in social clubs, on the church choir, was a debutante and never got in any trouble. So of course all of my teachers, mentors, neighbors, my mom and grandmother all thought I was okay. But what they didn’t know was the deep “ACHE” I carried inside of me every single day. So, just because your daughter is excelling, doesn’t mean that she’s not feeling the ache on the inside. I never really knew what this ache was…I simply knew that I didn’t believe I was pretty, I didn’t think I was lovable, I didn’t think people would like me, all which made me appear distant, stand off and unapproachable. Many girls thought this was me being uppity or thinking I was better than them. Far from the truth. I was living a constant internal dialogue that said, “you are not good enough, you’re invisible and do not exist in your daddy’s eyes.” These feelings flooded my soul and NO ONE knew.

Fast forward to being married with three children. Broken trying to make love work and be a good mother all while carrying these internal beliefs. Disaster is what was created. When that married of 16 years ended…I was alone, broke and broken. I didn’t have a plan B. When I finally uncovered the root of my ache, I knew that I had to heal. A girl’s identity if tied to her father-daughter relationship. I lived my life all this time with no real sense of identity. Our pain will never heal until we heal our mis-placed sense of identity. I had to retrace my life beyond my mother’s womb. I started the journey. There began my Journey to Being. This process was a painful one indeed…I must admit. But it was one that I had to go through.

The seven foundational principles of The Journey to Being Process™ healed and radically transformed my life and is now doing the same for countless women, girls and fathers around the world. It amazes me each time I receive a phone call, an email, a gift or a text from someone who has been effected by this work. I’ve seen marriages put back together. I’ve seen father-daughter relationships healed. I’ve witnessed the power of forgiveness breakthrough barriers, beliefs and blocks that have prevented many dreams from being actualized.

Now as we travel around the country showing the documentary, The Making of a Fatherless Daughter, I can only believe that we will see more women and men become free. Who knew this could happen? I believe that my life’s purpose was encoded within my life’s story. On my travels, I get to hear stories from others who have shared the common pain and bonds of fatherlessness. I also witness many of the fathers’ pain who simply didn’t know how to show up for their daughters and the many unfortunate journeys they’ve too have traveled. What I know for sure is that I’ve been given a gift with this work. I also know that when daddy leaves, something dies. But through this work, we can bring back life into the hearts of men and their daughters where possible. We can clearly redefine our lives beyond our fatherlessness. We can reclaim our true value and worth and finally…we can rewrite the tragic story of fatherlessness throughout the land. We can help women transform their relationship with love and money, build dreams and birth visions and live the Awakened Life.

Yet, it’s not possible for me to do it alone. I need help. Those women who will hear this will answer with a maternal care to help protect that which we love…we love our greatest resource…our women/girls. This is a call for those of you who work with women and girls to join our movement. Our mission is to ignite a generation of Fatherless Daughter Advocates who will facilitate workshops/programs/events that will totally transform the lives of the women and girls within their communities. We will provide training and ongoing support to help you lead “The Journey to Being Process™” in a workshop format or as an ongoing program that will go beyond skill teaching to becoming a life transformative experience for both the women and girls you serve.

Our Online Virtual Certification Training Program will show you how to take your work to the next level as an experienced, trusted authority, by learning proven techniques for bringing women and girls together regardless of differences in age, ethnicity or economic background, and deliver deep, result driven personal growth and development content.

Let’s have a conversation about how you can join this movement of transformation and change. When women and girls heal, so does a nation heal. Schedule your conversation with me: www.yesiamready.info

A Charmed Life

EE73B6F937484807BC817E2A31CAD136.ashxLife has a funny way of showing up when we least expect it. This past weekend was one filled with fun, laughter and joy. We spent it at Lake Junaluska with my husband, his siblings and their families. We all lodged in this huge, old Victorian style house. Can you imagine 8 siblings, their spouses, kids and grandkids altogether for an entire weekend and no drama? This is our 3rd year doing this weekend trip and I loved every moment of it. When I arrived home on Sunday, I ended up in the emergency room for 3.5 hours.

I discovered that I had the “Shingles.” As you know, the shingles is very painful. But here’s the catcher. I have absolutely NO PAIN! My 80 year old mom just recovered from the shingles and I watched, as I cared for her, suffer with such pain. When I realized that I had the shingles, I spoke to my body that it would not experience any pain. And it hasn’t.

I’m on medication and I was given some unnecessary pain meds as well. As I was meditating and praying, I was reminded that when we walk in pure, wide open, unconditional love, it can transcend time and space as we know it.  It creates a miraculous life. I spend my days teaching others the POWER of LOVE. And Power is what Love is.

I heard someone once say, “Miracles ride in on the wings of LOVE.” Everyday that I awaken, my prayer is that I become a full expression of love in the earth. I will not lie to you and say that there aren’t times that I want to do anything but love. Because there are those times. And I sometimes I do forget who I am. It’s in those moments that we have others around us to remind us of who we are and we simply REUNIFY with LOVE.

My husband and I were having a conversation the other day and I said to him, “People think I live a charmed life.” He looked at me and replied, “You do live a charmed life.” As he began to share with me all of the wonderful things about my life, I had to agree with him.

I didn’t say that my life was perfect or without issues and challenges. Because it is. But it is also filled with miracles. I have learned how to navigate my life towards truth. The truth of who I am and the truth of what my life is suppose to be. It’s the Love Lifestyle. Living the Love Lifestyle will create a life filled with miracles…a charmed life.

I want to encourage you today to make a quality to decision to Live Love as a Lifestyle. It will create for you a life beyond anything you can imagine. That is a promise.

Remember, Live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle. Because success in life, really does begin with love.

Have a rich and love filled day.

I’m Your Love Lifestyle Coach and Loving YOU is who I am.

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