It Simply Was Not My Problem

09c600ce6c3a40bda66f56679421d239In my line of work I have the unique opportunity to speak with women from around the world. One common challenge for most women I meet is dealing with feelings of unworthiness. Not so much in a self rejection kind of way, but in feeling that women are not living their truth.

As a woman, you spend so much of your time taking care of other people’s issues and problems that it leaves little room for yourself. I remember sitting down not too long ago reflecting back on my day. I did a mental list of how many times during that day I was called upon to fix, listen, share, take care or put out a fire…of someone else’s problems. When I took a look deeper, I realized that I personally did have any struggles or problems that day. Yet, I had allowed everyone else’s problems to become mine.

My stomach was feeling tight, my breathing was shallow and I was exhausted from other people’s problems. Some were my adult children’s issues, my mom’s issues, my friends issues and client’s issues. It was in that moment that I recognized that I didn’t have to be the cure all for everyone. I didn’t need to be the first person they thought of when something happened to them.

Do you feel me? Don’t you get tired of folks looking to you to be a quick fix and once it’s fixed, you don’t hear from them again until it’s broken again?

Instead of being upset with others or myself, I simply decided this wasn’t the life I wanted for myself. So I made a change. Now, when I get a call from someone who has an emergency problem, I ask myself these questions, “Is this a lesson for me or them? Is this my problem to solve? Am I really needed in this situation or is their a bigger story unfolding that does not involve me?” Once I’ve honestly answered these questions, I take actions that are in alignment with the answers. If my answers are “no” to the questions, I simply listen to them for a brief moment, then I tell them that I will pray for them and to keep me posted. I then say goodbye.

Of course my private coaching clients have the honor of having me there to coach them through their issues. It’s what they hired me to do. So, that’s a different story because it’s my job. But I’m talking about something different here.

As women, we were not designed to be everyone’s dumping ground. We are nurturers, life givers, but not door mats. Our need to be needed because that’s what makes us feel worthy can become a destructive pattern for us. We have to be very mindful that being needed doesn’t stroke our ego or make you feel special or important. You are already special and important. Stop organizing your life around everyone else. It’s the not best for you and it’s a form of hiding. Hold yourself in the highest manner and others will do the same.

We are to be there for others when they are in need. But you cannot never give to others from an empty cup. Women all over the world are serving from empty cups. It has left us feeling overwhelmed, depleted and drained. This not God’s highest good for you. One of the most important questions I have come to ask myself is , “What would they do if I was dead?”  They would find a way. That’s what they would do.

In living Love as a Lifestyle, you owe it to those you care about to take care of yourself first. This allows for you to give your best self to them. Who’s filling your cup? You have to fill your own cup. Take a moment and breathe. Stop carrying other people’s problems on your back. Release and stand up for yourself. It’s a lesson worth learning.

I want to hear from you…what do you think?

The Emergence of The Awakened Woman

Are you ready to shine in 2013? For the first time in recorded history women are starting to un-mask, and step up to really see ourselves authentically and bring the best of who we are to the table.

We are gathering everywhere. I am  hearing about online communities being formed, women’s conferences and retreats are at an all time high and we are coming together on larger scales.  There’s a pulling on all of us–a call towards the realization of our highest potential and service to the greater good.

We are beginning to realize our full potential as a celebration and an affirmation of life. Many of us are beginning to feel frustrated,  because whatever is happening inside of us must emerge now. It seems as if we are on a journey without a compass navigating towards territory we’ve never been before.

For some women, this can be frightening and the temptation to turn around is strong. You have started to doubt  your value and feel some anxiety about what  you have to offer. It’s because you feel invisible in comparison to your fellow sister who seems to have more…more education, more talents or more money.

You have become terrified about stepping up in a big way because you have become accustom to playing small. You don’t feel safe and you don’t feel secure.

I am here to tell you that it’s okay to feel that way, but it’s not okay to remain in that space. Of course women want safety and security. It’s what we all want. We love making others feel safe and we love rescuing each other. In fact, rescuing can be seductive to us. It feels better to rescue than to show up in our own lives. Because we can hide behind those we are rescuing. This is just another way for us to play it small.

As women, we keep each other small by agreeing with our stories of victimization. But this is how we lie to each other about the illusions we carry about ourselves.

Our conversations must change for the emergence to be complete. We’ve got to transcend these old patterns that no longer serves who are today. It’s time for us to pioneer new ways of being, new goals of our awakened sacred partnerships.

I believe there are three things we need for us to experience the realization of this new emergence:

  1. We need Courage and Skills. Sometimes we just have to jump and grow our wings on the way. Anytime you move beyond your comfort zone, you will experience fear. The goal is to push past the fear and learn the new skills to move forward. Often times we know what to do, but there appears a gap between what we know to do and what we actually do. Courage will give you the push to do it and gaining new skills will show you how to do it.
  2. We Need to Find the Right Tribe.  I’m talking about a tribe of women who are willing to stand with you and for you, until you can stand for yourself. There’s nothing more beautiful than being apart of an authentic, loving and supportive tribe.
  3. We Need the Right Mentor. You need a mentor who is not afraid to point out your blind spots… the things that we don’t know about ourselves.  You need a real mentor…someone who will challenge you to become a more expanded version of who you can be. A person who will not tolerate you playing small and not partake in it.

We have not witnessed a lot of role models of women who are holding this kind of power collectively.  We certainly don’t see it on television. But the times we are now living are calling for this kind of conversation, this kind of collaboration, this kind of power and this kind of partnerships.  The Awakened Sacred Women Partnerships.

2013 can be your best year! If you are willing to implement the above steps in your life right now, your future can be as bright as a shining star. It really is your time to shine!!

Remember, live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle!

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