I woke up feeling like I was in a daze. Had it all been a dream or was it really real? Did my husband really confess to cheating on me multiple times with several different women or was it all a dream?
When I gathered my thoughts and began to feel that pain in my belly, I remembered that it was true and it wasn’t a dream. Yes, when I confronted him the day before with what I saw, he had no choice but to admit the truth. It was a normal day, and I had put all of the kids down for a nap. My sons were 2 and 4 years of age and my daughter was 4 weeks old. I finally had a chance to take a long relaxing shower. And that’s when it all happened.
It was in the shower that I had another open vision. I now understand this gift that I have, but for years, I didn’t. There are times when I least expect it, that pictures of things, people or places will just flash before me as if I am looking at a movie. I can see things and know them. I have now learned to appreciate and embrace this gift…this knowing. Well on that particular day, as I was taking my shower, I saw my husband with another woman. I could see her face, how she looked and what they were doing. I had never seen this woman before. I was stunned and I asked God, what should I do with this information? I heard in my spirit to just pray. I did pray, but I also confronted my husband when he came home from work.
As I shared with him what I saw and I described the details of what happened, and how the woman looked…his face appeared as if he had just saw a ghost. He was so fearful, until he broke down and confessed every single infidelity. I was crushed. So crushed until I immediately rushed to bathroom and vomited all evening and I cried myself to sleep.
The next morning, after realizing it wasn’t a dream, I had to decide what to do. I couldn’t tell anyone, and I didn’t know if I wanted to leave him. Where was I going with 3 small babies, no money and no self esteem or self worth? So, I kept it all to myself and pretended everything was well. I had learned over the years to wear the mask of pretence.
Over the next few weeks, I began to feel sick in my body. So I went to the doctor and they ran a series of test on me. The final diagnosis was that I had Lupus. Now I am sick. Not only was I sick, but we were also financially broke. I couldn’t run my business and bring in any money, and my husband was spending all of his as he made it, trying to impress folks. I had reached a place of deep ,dark, despair. But this was a place where only a Loving God could help me. And He did.
I spent the next few weeks totally emerged in prayer and meditation. Reading everything that I could on the power of God to heal and restore. I was consumed with this task. I had a choice. I could pack up my kids and move back home with my parents, or I could allow God to transform this situation for me. I chose the latter. While I don’t encourage anyone to stay in a relationship that is filled with dishonesty or pain, I made a decision at that moment to remain because there was something bigger going on than what I could see with my natural eyes. This was a lesson for me, one of love, conviction and commitment.
Here’s what I learned…..You won’t be committed and convicted, until you go through that experience and transform it……which is why these things are happening now around you…which is why life has shown up this way…. In this situation, I allowed God to show up and transform the situation. As a result…I went back to the doctors and they ran more test…there was no more Lupus and it hasn’t been for 26 years now.
My husband got new job that doubled his salary and he began to bring his money home. I finally forgave my husband. I let go of the resentment. And nine years later, I divorced him. But the day that I divorced him, I loved him unconditionally with the love of God. I had no resentment, no ill feelings whatsoever. Had I left him those years before, it would not have ended that way. I would have been bitter and angry. Now, I was completely free. God transformed me and that experience.
What experience in your life right now needs to be transformed? Are you willing to remain committed and convicted to allow God to transform it? Will you do your part to co-create the solution? Or what do you think I should have done? Let me hear from you below. Let’s chat, leave a comment.
Hi Angela,
You did what I felt was important at the time with my unhappy marriage even though the the reasons for the failing marriage was different.
As Mom’s we as nuturers do what we need to do for our babies!
You did the right thing by following God’s guidance.
Thanks for sharing!
LOve,
Gigi
Thanks Gigi…I feel that I did the right thing..because it gave me a chance to grow…it no longer became about my husband then…it was about me and my journey…my heart…growing and expanding..and when I did that…I knew that I no longer was meant to be in that relationship…that’s why when it was over…it was completely over and I had no regrets…no anger, no un-forgiveness…it was a process for me…it may not be that way for everyone…thanks
OMG I have experienced something similar these past few months. The only difference is my children are grown, but to leave would put me in such a financial mess.
I commend you on your strength and faith. He has not confessed to his infidelities, even when I caught him.
I’m now faced with some medical challenges and being in the same house knowing what he is doing is causing a great deal of stress that I don’t need.
I can only hope that one day I will like him again.
Thanks Melody for sharing your heart secrets…my kids are all adults now…but I do understand your situation…I will say this…stand in your power and be clear about what is a deal breaker for you…I do not advocate anyone making rush decisions…but stay in constant prayer and ask God for an exit plan or either a plan to rekindle your relationship with your husband…which ever you choose…I am sure you will know…what’s best for you.
Hello, I am so sorry you had to deal with all of this. But, God took you through it all. He gave you grace,peace of mind. I am in a time of my life that I do not know what to do at this point , I pray,and pray. I ask God to lead me the right way. I am thinking about seperation now. My husband will not communicate with me. He has shut down. I want to be in a happy marriage. But, unfortunately it did not end this away. With long term marriage (Over 15 yrs to 50) I find out now that some couples are really not in love with each other and have no more communication and/or sex. There are a lot of marriages that are sexless, for years and years.People talks. This is so sad. I know that God does answer prayers.
Now that you have divorced you probably feel more relaxed and content. Just hang in there your children will be grown soon if not already. Once said a marriage is not over until the person or parties has done everything that they could do. And at that point when a person does decide to get a divorce they won’t feel guilty. I wondered why some people still sleeps together during a divorce/separation. I have heard that there is something still there with the two of them. Your gift, you said that God shows you things, I have heard this to. God is good. He keeps us near.Prayer does work. God bless.
Thanks Catherine for sharing…yes, I was free once my divorce was over…but it was not easy…I have since re-married and have been for 9 nine years to a wonderful man…but my divorce was not all my ex-husband’s fault…I took my responsibility in that process…I didn’t love myself, so how could I expect him to love me? It’s an unkind thing to ask someone to do for you what you are incapable or unwilling to do for yourself…there began my journey to discovering who I was and how to love myself…it was after that process that my new husband showed up in my life…it always starts with us taking full responsibility for our own lives…and yes, my children are all grown now…they are 26, 28, and 30…
I think you did the right thing. You turned your situation over to God and trusted him to work it out and he did. You are a living testimony of what God can do if you trust and believe in him and you were able to forgive and that also helped your children to continue to have a relationship with their father. I truly know how angry can destroy relationships.
Absolutely Theresa…anger is a powerful destroyer of lives and we cannot afford to allow it into our lives…Be Blessed and thank you for your comment.