I remember when I was going through my divorce, my ex-husband told me that I would never find anyone who would want to marry me with 3 kids. Even though he got married 2 months after our divorce was final, he assumed that I would have a difficult time. What he didn’t know was I was so relieved to be done with him that another husband was the last thing on my mind. As the years passed by, I did date a little, but I was busy focusing on my children and their well-being. I met some amazing men and had a blast dating…Lord did I have some fun! Oops…okay Angela, stay focused. There were some who wanted to marry. But, it simply was not time. I remember, my mentor saying to me, “honey, it’s not time…you will know.” I do remember, Valentine’s Day being especially difficult. There were always roses sent to my office and often times a few dozens from admirers. Yet, there was no one who was special in my life.
I remember feeling a sense of sadness, even loneliness. These are two emotions that a lot of women find difficult to admit. I’ve never felt such loneliness before…it literally gripped something on the inside of me. I remember saying to a girlfriend of mine, ‘I’m not leaving my house tonight (Valentine’s Day) because if I see another couple all hugged up in love, I’m going to break down and cry. We both laughed. I stayed home and called some of my single friends, men and women, and we all got together, ordered some food and laughed our lonely hearts away. As I began to mature and started my journey of discovering my truth, those feelings of sadness and loneliness began to drift away. I am not saying that I no longer had bouts of these feelings…they simply didn’t control my life. I had found some joy and happiness because I was awakening to my truth. My truth of who I was and what was possible for my life. Vision and purpose can create a sense of joy and hope deep within that cannot be explained. I had found my sweet spot…the intersection between who I was and what I was here to do. I also tapped into my G-Spot. Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking about my “Greatness, My Gifts and My Genius.” This journey was so beautiful. It was my journey to being. God was teaching me about His love. I had learned to love all of those disowned parts of myself that I had left on the table. I was evolving.
So when my friend Peggy asked to introduce Bill to me, I said no. I simply was living my life like it was golden and there was no room for a man. You see I had began hiding behind my church activities and doing what the mothers of the church told me…wait on God. Until one day, my mother with all of her wisdom and wit said to me, “You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be loved and cherished. Those children are getting older and you only have a few more young years….before age sits in.” My mom doesn’t mix words. So after 8 months of Peggy asking to introduce me to Bill, she slipped him my business card. He called and the rest is history. We met in February and was married in December of the same year. We’ve now been a blended family for 14 years. He is my soul mate and the love of my life. I’ve enjoyed this journey with my guy.
So here’s my point to those of you who feel as if no one understands. Trust me, I do. I know how it feels to not fit in at church, at events when you are the only one without someone on your arms. I know how it feels to be tired of engaging with the kids and family, when you simply want some adult time. Someone to gaze into your eyes and tell you stuff, even if it’s not true. You simply want to feel special for one day…or night. I get it. I also know how it feels when your friends turn their backs on you because they fear you being around their man. They don’t include you any more. I get it. I know how it feels to listen to the music and cry until you have no more tears wondering if anyone could love you the way you need to be loved. I feel you my dear sisters. I know how it feels to not look forward to the holidays…they can be the hardest. Because I’ve always worked for myself, I at least didn’t have to see everyone getting flowers delivered to their desks. I sometimes believe some sent them to themselves…LOL. Let me stop.
So here’s what I want you to know. Delay doesn’t mean denial. If you want a loving, lasting, mutually satisfying and harmonious relationship, it’s possible and it’s possible for YOU. You are love, loved and lovable. God made you this way and it does not matter what anyone says…this truth can’t be changed. I want you to take yourself to dinner, light your own candles and buy your own flowers/candy. Love yourself in the deepest parts of your being. So if you don’t have a Valentine’s this year…it’s okay…be your own. Because better days are ahead for you. This I do know. I also want you to know that I’m thinking of you.
You are not forgotten. Just because I have a husband, this doesn’t make me any more lovable than you. Just because I’m in love, doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of you and wanting the same for you. I so want it for you. Love makes a woman blossom. It just does. Here’s what I want to say to those of you who have someone in your life…reach out to your friends who don’t. If you have a friend who is single and you know she’s going through. Send her a card or some flowers on Valentine’s Day. Let her know that someone loves her and is thinking of her. I don’t know who this is for, but it’s for someone. I love you…but God loves you more. And God is concerned about the things you are concerned about.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong for feeling sad. Feel the feelings, move through them…don’t hold them inside…release them… and then plan a time with some friends to laugh the time away. Then get on Facebook and watch people post these Fake stories…then holler! Because they are out here. Let me go before I go left…I can be a little shady at times…pray for a sister. Seriously, people are going to flood their wall with their Valentine’s gifts and etc. I promise not to do this. I will close with this…I want you know that not only is true love possible for you…it’s inevitable. Remember, love never fails and God loves you best. I love you Awakened Beauties!
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