How often do you find yourself in conflict with someone else because you felt offended by what they said or did? I have discovered that there are still somethings within me that can be triggered and cause me to feel hurt by others.
Realizing this allowed me to look deeper within myself to understand why. Instead of looking at the other person, trying to get even or trying to get them to apologize no longer became my mission. My mission became me identifying the real cause of my offense. And it was not what the other person did or said. It was what I allowed it to do to me.
Please know that I am not saying that our feelings are NOT real and they should not be supported by others. Because they are and they should. However, we also have a responsibility to ourselves to make sure that we are not allowing the things done to us, to make us suffer. I keep telling you that “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice.”
As I begin to delve deeper, I learned that I do not like to be ignored, dismissed or taken for granted by others. What was the origin of these feelings and emotions? They came from my childhood when my biological father abandoned, rejected and ignored me. That pain ran so deep until it made me feel invisible and unvalued. Now, in my current life I am feeling these same emotions.
So, when I begin to feel these emotions in response to what someone said, did or didn’t do, I now stop and breathe. I then ask myself, “What are you feeling here and what do you really want?” These questions allow me to take my focus off the other person and place it on me. Because I am the most important person in this equation, not the other person. I am the one who is responsible for my healing and my well-being.
As I begin to recognize the origin of these feelings, I also understand that what the other person did was simply trigger some areas in my life that still need my attention. Instead of being angry with the other person, I first must address my issues. I OWN them. Then I seek ways to shift my beliefs to new ones through many of the healing modalities that I have learned to use. There are times when you will need to speak with your coach or your therapist to get some outside help. The most important thing is that you HEAL.
If what the other person did to me needs to be address, I address it with them. Not in a blaming kind of way, but in a forgiving manner that brings about harmony. In some cases, the other person refuses to resolve it. Then I must realize this person should not be in my life any longer. This is when I release the person from my circle.
We are responsible for our own well-being. We are responsible for what we allow to hurt and offend us. We are responsible to OWN our VOICE and OWN our POWER. Until we do, we will walk around being hurt and offended by people who don’t even realize what they did. There’s danger in allowing offenses to keep us stuck.
“My Wish for You” This Week,” is that you learn how to handle the offenses in your life. That you understand that there are still some unhealed spaces within you that may need to be healed. That people and situations that show up in our lives and trigger these spaces, will help us to recognize that we still have more internal work to do.
When offenses arise , you should:
- Stop and breathe
- Ask yourself, “What am I feeling and what do I really want?”
- Identify the origin of your feelings and the belief that created it.
- Shift, change and heal the belief. (You may need outside help)
- Where possible, address the issue with the other person.
When you can do these things, you then will OWN your VOICE and OWN your POWER!
Remember, Love Deeply and Live Well, ACP