Have you ever felt like you were the only one who was invested in the relationship? You are the one who does all of the calling and inviting to events/activities. You are the one who check to make sure the other person is okay by calling just to chat.  It feels as if you are doing all of the giving and the other person is doing all of the receiving.

I remember feeling this way about a friend once. Or at least who I thought was a friend. Then one day, I sat down and took a good look at the relationship. I realized that this person only called me when she needed advice, if she was having a bad day, or if she needed to ask me a question. She never called just to chat. She rarely invited me to events she had or attended. So, as I began to examine the inner workings of this relationship, I realized that I had not fully identified what kind of relationship I had with this person.

I assumed that we were good friends. Yet, she saw me as a resource when needed. I mis-understood the assignment so the speak. This did NOT make this person bad. Because she’s not. She was just absolutely clear about the kind of relationship she wanted with me. Her behavior and actions communicated this to me. I simply wasn’t paying attention and began to feel some kind of way.

We must always be clear about how we define our relationships. Just because one person is YOUR best friend, doesn’t mean you are the person’s best friend.  And there is nothing wrong with this.  When you are clear about what kind of relationship you have with others, you don’t have unreal expectations from them.

If you have a business relationship with someone and the relationship is a friendly one. This doesn’t mean that the two of you are good friends. You have a business relationship that’s friendly. That’s it. When you understand this, you also understand that you will not be invited to that person’s wedding or home for dinner. It’s just business. Not personal. There are many types of relationships that we are involved in daily. It’s important to know exactly what kind of relationships they are and not just lump them all in one category. Do this can create a lot of hurtful feelings, unreal expectations, and mis-understandings.

When we become AWARE of what’s TRUE in any situation, it gives us the ability to make choices and take actions that are in alignment with that truth. Get clear and act accordingly.--Live Well and Love Deeply, ACP