In my line of work I have the unique opportunity to speak with women from around the world. One common challenge for most women I meet is dealing with feelings of unworthiness. Not so much in a self rejection kind of way, but in feeling that women are not living their truth.
As a woman, you spend so much of your time taking care of other people’s issues and problems that it leaves little room for yourself. I remember sitting down not too long ago reflecting back on my day. I did a mental list of how many times during that day I was called upon to fix, listen, share, take care or put out a fire…of someone else’s problems. When I took a look deeper, I realized that I personally did have any struggles or problems that day. Yet, I had allowed everyone else’s problems to become mine.
My stomach was feeling tight, my breathing was shallow and I was exhausted from other people’s problems. Some were my adult children’s issues, my mom’s issues, my friends issues and client’s issues. It was in that moment that I recognized that I didn’t have to be the cure all for everyone. I didn’t need to be the first person they thought of when something happened to them.
Do you feel me? Don’t you get tired of folks looking to you to be a quick fix and once it’s fixed, you don’t hear from them again until it’s broken again?
Instead of being upset with others or myself, I simply decided this wasn’t the life I wanted for myself. So I made a change. Now, when I get a call from someone who has an emergency problem, I ask myself these questions, “Is this a lesson for me or them? Is this my problem to solve? Am I really needed in this situation or is their a bigger story unfolding that does not involve me?” Once I’ve honestly answered these questions, I take actions that are in alignment with the answers. If my answers are “no” to the questions, I simply listen to them for a brief moment, then I tell them that I will pray for them and to keep me posted. I then say goodbye.
Of course my private coaching clients have the honor of having me there to coach them through their issues. It’s what they hired me to do. So, that’s a different story because it’s my job. But I’m talking about something different here.
As women, we were not designed to be everyone’s dumping ground. We are nurturers, life givers, but not door mats. Our need to be needed because that’s what makes us feel worthy can become a destructive pattern for us. We have to be very mindful that being needed doesn’t stroke our ego or make you feel special or important. You are already special and important. Stop organizing your life around everyone else. It’s the not best for you and it’s a form of hiding. Hold yourself in the highest manner and others will do the same.
We are to be there for others when they are in need. But you cannot never give to others from an empty cup. Women all over the world are serving from empty cups. It has left us feeling overwhelmed, depleted and drained. This not God’s highest good for you. One of the most important questions I have come to ask myself is , “What would they do if I was dead?” They would find a way. That’s what they would do.
In living Love as a Lifestyle, you owe it to those you care about to take care of yourself first. This allows for you to give your best self to them. Who’s filling your cup? You have to fill your own cup. Take a moment and breathe. Stop carrying other people’s problems on your back. Release and stand up for yourself. It’s a lesson worth learning.
I want to hear from you…what do you think?