I remember when I was a divorced, young mother of three children on Valentine’s Day. It was a horrible time, as I would witness all of my friends receiving flowers at work and getting ready for an evening of dinner and love. Some of my single friends and I would joke and tease each other about not wanting to leave the house on that evening.
It wasn’t so much that I wanted someone to send me flowers or take me out to dinner, it was that no one seemed to WANT to. My pain originated from a deep place of not feeling lovable. I thought perhaps I wasn’t thin enough, pretty enough, sexy enough or even good enough. I remember my loneliness feeling like a deep ache in my body. I would actually roll from side to side in my bed and moan from that relentless agony of loneliness.
It wasn’t until I was ready to stop playing the victim and feeling sorry for myself, that my life took a turn. The next year, I found myself lonely, once again. But this time, I choose not to be alone. Some of my single friends and I, men included, decided to watch movies and eat pizza at my house. We had the best time. We joked about not having dates, but saving money on gifts we didn’t have to buy. We also cried about lost love and how to get stronger by supporting each other. It was a great time. Not the alternative I desired, but at least I wasn’t alone. Still lonely, but not alone. At least that’s what I told myself.
Often times, life will show up to teach us many lessons. As I began to embrace my singleness, I also began to understand the difference between being alone and lonely. Being alone was a temporary state of being that I chose, to reflect, renew and revive myself and my life. Being lonely was a state of being that I allowed to choose me, and create suffering and struggle.
As I embraced my time alone time, it became a beautiful space of learning and recognizing my many incredibly lovable traits. This is where I began to develop my “Love Rekindled” Program, that I teach men and women from around the world. As I began to actualize the principles in this result based program, I started to awakened within me, the true authentic woman. And I began to fall in love with who I was become…or shall I say who was emerging within me.
As I began to actualize this process of rekindling the love within me, the magic happened. I became irresistible. True self love will radiate from you like a magnet and it will attract back to you the same thing in your life.
By the time Valentine’s Day came around the next year, I received three different dozens of flowers delivered to my home and office. I received beautiful gifts, dinner, dancing and a lot of laughter. I actually had 3 different dates on the same Valentine’s Day. Lunch with the first one, dinner with the second one, and dancing with the last one. And yes, they all knew about each other. I wasn’t actually in a relationship with anyone. These were simply amazing men, I had met, who were trying to get my attention. As Steve Harvey says, “let them work for you.” You are worth the effort.
I did not go after these results. My only goal was to release the painful experience of loneliness. My goal wasn’t to have a date for Valentine’s Day. I simply wanted to be free from the feeling of not being lovable. It was about an internal shift, of how I viewed and loved myself.
I actually married one of those incredible me, that same year. He’s my love and I am his. Together, we have a wonderful life.
If you are alone this Valentine’s Day or if your relationships is not what you truly would like it to be, I want to encourage you to do something different. Begin by choosing YOU. Because, not only is love possible for you, it’s inevitable. Your love story must begin with YOU!
What will you do different this year? Please leave your comment below: